


Goodbyes aren't forever

by niksilver146



Series: All Things Unnatural [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean Winchester, Ass-Kicking, Awesome Mary Winchester, Bobby mentioned - Freeform, Broken Promises, Carnival, Crowley Has Mommy Issues, Crying, Dean Dies, Dean Winchester and Sam Winchester Reunite, Dean Winchester is Saved, Dean Winchester thought dead, Demon Knife, Emotionally Hurt Dean, Eventual Smut, F/M, Family Secrets, Farm House, Fighting, First Dates, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Good Friend Sam Winchester, Goodbyes, Gun Violence, Happy Dean, Human Castiel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Kidnapped, Love, Mark of Cain, Near Death, Neck Kissing, Orphan - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Photographs, Rage, Regret, Regretful Dean, Relationship Advice, Rough Kissing, Sad Dean, Sam Winchester is Called Samael, Sam is saved, Sarcastic Castiel, Sibling Rivalry, Torture, True Love, Witch Hunters, Wounded, gagged, parents death, reunited, scared, skinny jeans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-08-28 15:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 31,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8451136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niksilver146/pseuds/niksilver146
Summary: Dean and the reader have been together since they were 16. Dean had been the only man shes ever loved. Now he was sacrificing himself to destroy Amara for good.Starting from 11x23 onwardsFollows through to season 12, and the major events that happen.





	1. Chapter 1

You stood in that grave yard. Surrounded by Chuck, Rowena, Crowley and Cas. Gripping on to Castiel’s arm for dare life. You feared if you let go, or even loosened your grip slightly you would fall. Your legs would give out and you wouldn’t be able to get back up.

You watched Sam and Dean in the distance. They were standing above their mother’s grave. You stayed back giving Sam one last moment with his brother.

 Cas must have felt your discomfort as he ran a hand over yours giving you a smile. He was getting better at reading people and after those weeks you spent together when he was human the two of you had become close. He could read you better than any human he had encountered. The feeling of his hand on yours caused a single tear to spill from your eye. You buried your face into the side of his arm, not wanting to give Crowley the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

You heard the approaching steps of the brothers. You remained clinging to Cas, not wanting to look up at Dean. You were barely holding on. If you looked at him the dam would break and you were unsure if you would be able to stop crying.

You could hear Dean talking to everyone but his words fell like mumbles in your ears. You squeezed Cas tight tears began falling from your eyes it was getting harder and harder for you to hold back. Cas rubbed your hand trying to comfort you.

Cas gestured to Sam. Sam ran a hand up your back trying to pull you from Cas. You just gripped him closer not wanting anyone to see how distraught you were slowly becoming.

 _“Y/N come on”_ Sam softly whispered into your ear. You slowly loosed your grip on Cas’s arm spinning around and wrapping your arms around Sam’s rips. You were sobbing now. You sunk your head into his chest trying to suffocate your cries.

Cas walked over to Dean hugging him and saying his goodbyes. You knew you were next. The thought of Dean saying good bye knowing this was forever you began to lose it. Letting yourself unravel in Sam’s arms. He cradled your head shushing you. A hand ran down your back slowly. But It wasn’t Sam’s his were in your hair.

Dean it was Dean.

You clung to Sam. You weren’t ready. Sam began to let you go. But that only made you claw into his top. Grabbing a fist full on it.

 _“No Sam please”_ You cried

 _“Dean take her”_ He said over your shoulder. Sam began to tug at your hands he was stronger then you so it didn’t take much. You looked up at him red puffy eyes _. “Don’t make me”_

he pushed the hair out of your face before smiling and pushing you back in to Dean. You gripped at his sleeves _“I can’t”_ You whimpered _“You have to”_ He whispered

Deans hands came around your waist a feeling you once loved. In the mornings while you cooked breakfast he would come up behind you wrapping his arms around your waist pulling you against him. He would run kisses down your neck whisper in to your ear how much he loved you. But now in this moment you hated the feeling. It brought your goodbye closer

Your legs finally gave. You crashed to the ground you would of fallen with a hard crash if Deans arms weren’t wrapped around you.

 _“I can’t… I won’t”_ You spoke between sobs. Dean managed to turn you to face him. You looked down at the ground repeating yourself. _“Don’t make me. I can’t”_ over and over. Dean gave the on lookers a signal to give you a moment. Rowena helped chuck take a short stroll around the grave yard. Sam took Cas to see his mother’s grave and Crowley clicked his fingers and disappeared. You and Dean were alone.

Dean placed a hand under your chin pushing it up towards his face. You closed your _eyes “Please don’t” You whispered._

Dean pressed his lips to yours. He lingered on your lips. Soaking up the comfort he got from them. After long hunts he would come home and kiss those lips. When he came back from hell. Those lips welcomed him home. When he was lost in purgatory those lips said his name every day and night . You searched for him not giving up on him. When he go the mark those lips kissed his back. Soothing him. When he was a Demon those lips bought him back off the edge. Even as a demon he could never hurt you, and he would fall asleep dreaming of those lips against him. He wanted your lips against his just one last time before he died.

You pulled your hands up and placed them gently on his face pulling him in deepening the kiss. _“Don’t leave me baby please”_ You mumble between kisses.

 _“I have to”_ He spoke softly pulling away and placing his forehead against yours.

 _“Please Dean you promised me when you came back from being a demon. You promised me you would never leave me again Dean you promised please”_ You griped at the fabric of his top.

Dean smiled at you. Not a happy smile a sad smile full on agony. He remembered that promise. He hated leaving you again. He placed his hands on your face.

 _“I’m sorry. I have to.”_ He wiped tears off your face with his thumbs.

 _“Let me come with you”_ You were pleading with him. He could see you were serious. _“Dean I can’t live without you. Don’t ask me to I can’t.”_

He kissed your forehead his lips pressed to you lingering. _“You have done it before; I need you to look after Sam and Cas”_ He whispered

 _“I need you to take care of my baby, make sure Sam doesn’t douche her up”_ He joked causing you to let you a tear-filled chuckle.

 _“I will never love anyone the way I love you Dean Winchester.”_ You ran a hand through his hair. His amazing hair. Savoring every strand trying to memorize the way it felt in-between your fingers

Dean pulled you in he wrapped his arms around your rips while you wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him in tight.

_“I need you to let me go baby. I need you to move on.”_

_“No Dean I can’t, don’t ask me to do that. I’ve only ever had you.”_ You whimpered

 _“Look after Sammy”_ He kissed you neck before pulling you to your feet still gripping you in the hug. He began to loosen his grip around you. That only caused you to pull him tighter. “ _No I’m not ready please”_ You cried.

 _“Sam”_ Dean yelled. _“No Dean, don’t leave me please.”_ Sam tried to loosen your grip on his brother but he couldn’t this time. You knew this was the last time you would hug Dean. The man you had been in love with for over half your life.

Your first kiss.

The first man and only man you had ever been intimate with.

You knew nothing else but Dean.

It wasn’t like past times when he disappeared or died. There was always hope he would come back. Hope you could save him. Not this time. Chuck made it clear this time was for good.

 _“Dean please”_ You pleaded as Cas attempted to release Dean from you. _“I love you Y/N”_ He kissed your cheek before Cas finally unraveled you from him.

 Cas pulled your back into his chest gripping you tight. You tuned around wrapping your arms around his neck. _“Cas please”_

_“I’m sorry Y/N. But I will stay with you” He responded_

Deans voice rang out. You mustered up enough strength to turn and face him. Clinging on to Cas again, Sam on your other side, He grabbed your other arm taking your hand in his.

 _“Right let’s do this”_ Dean gave you a wink and with the click of Chucks Fingers Dean was gone. The love of your life. Had just been teleported to his Death. _“I love you to Dean”_ You whispered under your breath.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You arrive home at the bunker. Without your Dean.

After Dean vanished your world came crumbling down. He was gone.  The love of your life. 

You, Cas and Sam arrived at the bunker.  The whole ride was silent, no one spoke a single word. Sam didn't turn the radio on. He just drove in silence.

You slumped back in the back seat of the impala. Your eyes closed. You took in the sound of Dean's baby roaring down the road.  Her noises filling your ears with blissful memories. 

Sometime's when Dean and Sam would go off on hunts. They would drop you off at Bobby's or Jodie's. You would tag in and out of hunting. Spending time with Bobby helping him with his research for hunters. And helping Jodie with her wayward daughters. 

You would enjoy helping but after countless lonely nights without your Dean pillow you would crave him like crazy.  You two had been together forever and sleeping alone was something foreign. Times when he was missing or though dead. You would climb in bed with Sam. Drawing what comfort you could from him. 

The impala however. You would hear her pull into the drive and your heart would feel as if it would fall from your chest. Your Dean is home. 

You laid your head down and drifted off to sleep in the back of the impala.  The smells of Dean still slightly filling the air of his baby.

"She's asleep.  Shall I carry her inside " Cas asked Sam. 

Sam turned to you smiling. You looked so peaceful.

"Let her be" Sam said turning off the impalas engine. 

He pulled one of Dean's tops out of the front and spread it across you like a blanket.  You made him smile as you grabbed at the top and pulled it towards your face. 

\--

You awoke a while later to the sound of a gun shot echoing through the bunker.  You sprung up and looked around the empty garage.  Sam and Cas were no where to be seen.  

Perhaps it wasn't a gun shot? You thought to yourself. You slowly slid across the seat and reach for the door handle.  

That's when you noticed Dean's top. You pulled it to your face breathing in his scent . You wiped the fresh tears pooling in your eyes and climbed out of the impala.  You peeled your jacket off and wrapped Dean's flannel around you.  

You slowly made your way out of the garage. Half sleepy walking through the halls of the bunker. You called for Sam. But he never answered. You called for Cas, still no answer.  

You found Sam's room and poked your head in.  He wasn't asleep and his bed was perfect. 

You entered the kitchen. No Sam. No Cas.  

You finally made your way to the study.  You enter calling Sam.  The gunshot that had woken you far from your mind.  

The first thing you noticed was the bloodied angel symbol on the wall.  You ran to it wiping a finger through it. 

Still wet. You thought. You next saw a blood trail on the ground as if something or someone big had been dragged though it. Someone like Sam. 

You spun around to see a woman facing you.  She had dark hair and It was neatly tied up in a bun.  She wore all black and had a harden looking face.  

Your hunter instincts kicked in you reached for the gun tucked into the back of your pants. But before you could reach it she hit you across the head. This punch was more then a normal punch it was like she had an iron fist. 

You fell to the ground, your vision blurry and unconscious taking a hold. 

Another woman walked down the stairs and stopped just above you .

"This must be his girlfriend" she spoke 

The other woman grunted " huh, well some legend they were. Expected more of a fight. Took the bitch down with one punch" 

"I wouldn't under estimate them dear"  

You managed to turn to face the women.  You spat the blood that had collected in your mouth at them. "you're going to regret this" you managed to say before you blacked out.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter in the works.


	3. Chapter 3

  
Dean had stolen a car. Nothing fancy, just somthing to get the job done. His mother was ridding shot gun. He smiled to himself. His mother. Mary Winchester was alive.

He was trying not to overwhelm her. Only really telling her about their current life. Leaving out the whole apocalypse, purgatory, Lucifer situations.

   
"So angels, wow " Mary said in disbelief  
"yeah, you will like him. He's a bit odd ball but, he's family" Dean smiled at her. She returned the smile.

  
Mary was twisting a strand of hair between her fingers. Suddenly Dean's mind snapped back to you.  
When you had something on your mind you would play with your hair. You would wear your hair up. But sometimes small strands would fall from the rest. You would twist them in your fingers, sometimes you would chew on the tips . As if it was helping you form the words you wanted to say. It was one of the many things you did that let Dean know something was wrong. That's how your relationship worked. Mostly though actions then words. Dean wasn't the best at sharing his feelings and you were kind of the same. It was the small things like you playing with your hair and Dean reaching over and grabbing your hand that said all you couldn't. That said "it will be okay,  we will get through this. I love you" when the words threaten to break a dam,  neither of you could fix.   
Then he realised. He hadn't told Mary about you yet.

  
Dean cleared his throat and pulled his wallet from his pocket.  
He twisted it around before he spoke up.  
"I don't just have an angel at home" He handed Mary his wallet. She took it and looked up at her son confused.  
"There's a photo"  
Mary nodded and opened Dean's wallet. She pulled a small photo from it.  
It was part of a cheesy photo booth print. You were sitting in Dean's lap. A smile spread across your face and his kiss on Your cheek.  
In the year Sam was presumed to be locked in the cage. You and Dean lived a somewhat normal life. The photo was from one of your first "normal" dates. There was a carnival in town and you had dragged Dean along he was a little grumpy about the idea of willingly wanting to strap yourself into a ride that throws you around in the air for kicks. Hell Dean was never really the guy for heights. He slowly loosened up as the night went on. Enjoying the games more then the rides. That night he won you a stuffed bear that you still have till this day.  
"Her names Y/N"  
Mary smiled down at the photo"How long? "  
"Have we bee together? Gosh" Dean tried to wrap his mind on how many years it had exactly been.  
"a long time I take it " Mary joked  
"yeah, honestly she's been one of the only constants throughout my life"  
Mary placed the photo back in the wallet and handed it to Dean. The rest of the drive Dean spoke about you. Your first date. Your 16th date. Mary seemed to enjoy hearing he had something normal in his life. And Dean loved reminding himself why he loved you.

Dean and Mary pulled into the long road that lead to the bunker. He was in the middle of telling Mary about the time John had walked in on the two of you. Mary enjoyed hearing about him. Dean cut his story short when he noticed the door on the bunker open.  
He raised his hand to Mary. Like he would on hunts with you and Sam, alerting you that he had noticed something odd. Mary seemed to grasp that .  
Dean pulled the door open slowly cautiously calling out to his brother.  
Mary followed slowly.  
Dean reached the top of the stairs and looked out. He couldn't see you or Sam. He called out again. This time your name.  
No answer.  
When he reached the bottom of the stairs he noticed the blood.  
He reached under the map table and handed Mary a gun "Stay here, I'm going to check the back"  
Mary was going to protest but Dean was to fast and half way across the room, diapering through a door way before she could say anything.

Deans heart was racing . A million things running through his mind. Who's blood was on the floor. The though of you hurt. Or Sam was eatting him. He yelled your name through the halls . Panic setting in.  
He came to the bedroom the two of you shared. He pushed the door open and the smell of home instantly hit him. A combination of his musk, cologne and whiskey mixed in with your perfume and body wash.  
He yelled your name praying that you were just tucked away somewhere, head phones on and couldn't hear him. But the blood. He knew that was just a fantasy.  
The bedroom was exactly how the two of you left it. His clothes were folded on the corner of the bed, letting him know you hadn't been in the room yet. As you had this need to always keep clothes folded and in the draws. Even on the road. You would fold Dean's tops and place them nicely in his bag. You would slap the back of his head every time he would mess it up.

When he came back to the study he found his mother pointing a gun at Cas.  
"Hey, hey mom stop he's a friend."  
Mary lowered the gun.  
"He's the angel I was telling you about"  
Castiel? She asked.   
Dean nodded and grabbed Cas by the shoulders. "Cas what happened"  
Cas informed Dean about what he witnessed . The woman sending him away , Dean asked where you were. As soon as "in the impala" left Cas's lips Dean sprinted for the garage. Hoping to chuck you were still asleep in the back seat of his baby.  
He screamed your name as he entered the garage. He ran to the impala and looked through the window. You were gone.  
"SON OF A BITCH"  
Dean hit the roof of the impala. He couldn't get the image of you hurt out of his mind. Or the sound of your cries from the last time he saw you. You begged him not to leave you.

He noticed your jacket he pulled it to his face.  Needing to grab anything he could get of you.  Your perfume filled his nose. He was hoping it would relieve some of the stress but it only made it worse.  
Cas placed a hand on Deans shoulder " We will find them"  
Dean grilled Cas making him run through every detail. Anything to aid in finding you and Sam. He wasn't going to give up. His girl and brother needed him. As he didn't care what he had to do in order to get you back.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter very soon. Glad you guys are enjoying it. :) . Also sorry for any errors I've been typing this up on my phone.


	4. Chapter 4

You came to in the back of a SUV. Sam was practically piled on top of you.

When Sam noticed you had woken he began nudging at you with his knee. You tried to open your mouth to yell at him but your yell fell into a muffle. You were gagged and bound.

You flashed Sam a confused look. The two of you communicated through muffled moans and facial expressions from what you could tell the second woman had shot Sam and sent Cas to the other side of the world for all you knew.

The SUV came to a sudden stop causing you and Sam to be thrown around in the already cramped boot. Sam’s knee dug into your ribs causing you to instantly kick him back.

The sound of heels hitting concert caused you and Sam to stop kicking each other and make a silent agreement to be ready for a fight.

A woman popped the boot and folded her arms at the sight of you and Sam.

_“Good you’re awake, I’m sorry for that but I needed you…Well in all honesty I didn’t think you would come willingly. I’m Toni, British men of letters”._

You mumbled a threat at her. She gestured at the woman in black the same one that had hit you, she was emerging from her own car. She grabbed Sam and pulled him towards a house. You tried to get free, yell for her not to hurt him.

Sam had always been the little brother you never had. Even though he was obviously bigger then you.

 You like to think of him as your brother and most importantly your best friend. The two of you clicked in a way you and Dean never had. Sure, Dean was your world but Sam was the middle man, the one that no matter what would be there.

It was something you had accepted a few years ago Dean was always willing to dive head first, not think about the consequences even if it meant he died. It was one of the biggest issues in your relationship.

Sam and Dean were the two people in this world that you would kill for, fight for even die for. You had already lost Dean no way would you lose Sam. Not when he had been your responsibility for less than a day. You had to do right by him. For Dean.

_“Look calm down, I’m not going to hurt him, I am actually getting a nice man to stitch him up. While he does that, we can have a little chat.”_

Toni reached over pulling the gag from your mouth. You took a few seconds moving your jaw around to relive yourself from the pain the gag had inflicted.

 _“What makes you think I’m going to answer anything you have to ask”_ You snapped.

Toni helped you to sit up. _“Because, if you do as I say, answer all my questions I will let you and Sam go I need you alive. But i can prod a few holes in you.”_

 _“After you shot him and kidnapped us_ ”

Toni rubbed her temples. “ _And I am making up for that. Or would you rather I go back to my shoot first ask questions later approach”_

 _“Too little too late”_ You mumbled under your breath.

_“Look where is Dean Winchester, he is just as vital as the two of you. And he has a track record of killing anyone who gets close to you or his brother”_

You looked away from Toni. Partly not wanting to talk to her, and because the whole being kidnapped and gagged in the boot of a van made your mind forget your Dean was dead. His name leaving her lips made you feel sick.

_“Look Dean Winchester where is he and I promise I will remove the gags, even let you and Sam sit in a seat”_

You turned towards her tears threatening to spill from your eyes. You looked cold and wanting noting more than to escape from these bonds and teach her lesson.

_“I know he’s your boyfriend, and there is a loyalty that comes with that….”_

You cut Toni off _“was”_

She squinted her eyes at you. _“was?”_ She asked

_“Dean Winchester…. He’s…Deans dead”_

Toni searched her brain for a few seconds, then shrugged. “ _OH well I guess you two should do”_

She put the gag back over your mouth and pushed you into the boot of the car. Slamming it as she walked away.

Your mind was starting to betray you. Deans face was spilling into your eyes. His voice in your ears. You shoved those memories away. As deep as you could. You had to get out. Deans voice echoed through your mind. But this time it was like he was instructing you on what to do. How to get out of these restraints.

It reminded you of a hunt the two of you went on. It was a witch she had you and Dean tied down in her basement. Dean had dislocated his shoulder and wasn't able to get free of the restraints. from across the room he yelled encouragement and helped you with what to do in order to get out. The witch came down as you finished up untying Dean. you managed to knock the witch out with a few punches, before helping Dean out of the basement and to the safety of the road. It was one of the moments he sat back and realized what a little bad ass his girlfriend was. 

You managed to get your hands free when Toni and Sam emerged from the house. Sam was limping and she was dragging him by his hair.

 _“Should have let me cut it Sammy”._ You thought. He would always get snappy when you would mention trimming his hair for reasons just like this.

You placed your hands behind your back acting as if you hadn’t escaped from the bonds. Toni shoved Sam into the boot and began speeding off. You gave Sam a told you we should have cut it look. And he gave you a gagged bitch face before kicking you again.

When you thought it was clear you began working on your feet. You were just about to untie Sam when the van came to a screeching halt. Toni seemed to be on the phone. She did not look happy. The woman in black had pulled over next to you. Toni and her were arguing about something. Then it was like they seemed to agree as they both looked towards the boot of the car. Directly at you and Sam. A sinister smile crept across the woman in blacks face as she approached.

 _“I got this Sam”_ You whispered. But he kicked begging you to untie him, there wasn’t enough time. The boot popped open and you greeted the woman in black with a hard kick to the stomach. She doubled over in pain gasping for air. You punched her across the face. She fell to the ground _“Pay backs a bitch”_

Sam made a little cheer, you reminded him so much of Dean.  Your attitude in a fight. The smart comebacks. Your eagerness to protect him. He loved you, more than a friend you are family and the most important person right now.

You turned to attack Toni. She held a gun up towards you. _“You’re not going to shoot me. You said it yourself you need us alive”_

Toni gave you a smile. “ _Yes well plans change love. “_

She looked behind you causing you to stupidly turn to see what she was looking at. a gunshot ran out but it didn’t come from Toni. It was the woman in black.

A warm sensation radiated from your stomach. You looked at Sam who was kicking and screaming. For you.

 _“I’m sorry Samuel”_ You managed to say before you fell to the ground.

Toni slammed the boot of the van _“I told you not to under estimate them and tie those bonds extra tight”_

_“Yeah well the bitch is down now”_

Toni leaned down looking at your wound as you gasped for air. _“She will live, right?”_

The woman in black stood above you _“Should live, if she plays her cards right.”_

Toni stood up and looked around, making sure no one had seen what just happened _. “Get her there and make it clear, Sam will be in a bag if he follows”_

The Woman in black loaded you into the back seat of her car. Practically throwing you, not paying any care to your wound. You cried in pain and held onto your stomach. You tried to pray to Cas but you had no idea where you were. What could you say to him. You just decided to tell him  Sam was in a black SUV and a woman named Toni had him. That’s all you got out before you blacked out.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Dean was trying to control the rage building up inside of him. He had been gone for a few hours and already his brother and girlfriend were kidnapped by some British woman, claiming to men of letters. He knew Sam had been shot but the man at the animal clinic never saw you. He was beginning to think the worse, his grip on the steering wheel getting tighter.

The image of you clinging to him in the grave yard. Begging him not to leave you. He hated when you cried but most of all he hated when he made you cry.

 This wasn’t the first or the second time he made you cry. He always did something stupid said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing or left you.

When he got the mark, it took everything he could not to hurt you. It twisted his mind turning the love between the two of you into a rage, the mark saw you as a threat. Something for Deans humanity to cling to.

One night he got a little to ruff with you and dislocated your shoulder and bruised your arm.

He had you pushed against the wall. Rough kisses down your neck. Dean spun you around a little to hard, that should have been your first warning sign. Your face was pushed against the cold wall of the bunker. You and Dean were no stranger to rough sex but this was something different almost like he hated you in this moment.

You tried to tell him that he was hurting you but he was to consumed with lust to pay you any attention. It wasn’t till a pop came from your shoulder and you screamed that he realized what he was doing he instantly released you and you fell to the ground.

 You screamed for Sam. using your good arm to hide your face, scared Dean would attack you. Sam came running into the room and pushed Dean away from you.

The image of your face, how scared you were. The tears pooling from your eyes. It was the first time you had ever been properly hurt, you are the safest hunter never getting hurt apart from a few scratches and stitches here and there, Dean though you were even better than him at hunting. But the noise your shoulder made.

The scream.

The tears.

Your fear of him.

 it’s an image Dean will never forget. You didn’t speak to him for 2 days after that. Sam kept you away from him. When the two of you finally spoke, it was full of tears, Dean on his knees clinging to you, and promising that he was sorry that he would never hurt you again. He broke that promise.

He always broke his promises to you. Even though you forgave him for the mark, for the demon phase and for Amara. He never forgave himself. He knew you would forgive him for leaving again, trying to kill Amara for good, but a part of him didn't want you to. that part of  him wanted you to hate him, to walk out and leave him so he could stop hurting you. Dean was working himself up to the point it felt like the impala steering wheel would snap between his hands.

Mary looked over and saw the discomfort in Dean _. “What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you see her?”_   She asked

Dean took a few seconds to register what she was saying. _“Sorry what?”_

Mary sat up in her seat _“When you see Y/N what’s the first thing you’re going to do?”_

_“If I even get her back”_

_"Dean"_ Cas spoke from the back seat, trying to assure him that he would get You and Sam back

Mary placed a hand on Deans shoulder _“Come on play my what if game. It will help distract me from all…this.”_

Dean loosened his grip on the wheel and smiled at his mother _._ He looked back to the road and searched his mind. Tried to find something that would make up for everything. For all that had happened. _“I’m going to apologize, for everything. For what I’ve done. What I’m going to do in the future. I've hurt her so many times. Done some horrible crap. And i know im going to do it again. I guess all i can do is apologize and pray she wants to stay. “_

Mary opened her mouth to reply when a car came screeching down the road and crashed right into the impala.

\---

The impact of the crash sent you flying hard onto the ground of the car you were in. Blood was now gushing from your wound; the fall must have ripped it. You clung to your stomach pushing hard applying as much pressure as you could.

The sound of fighting came from outside the car. Cas’s face smashed up against the window he didn’t see you. But you saw him.

Your best friend, he was an angel but also a cluts in a fight and needed help. Any help your wounded weak body could give him.

 You willed yourself. Pulling all your strength into this one movement. Pain was radiating through your body; your head was getting heavy but you needed to help Cas.

You managed to kick the door away from the fighting open. Using the seats to pull yourself along you placed a shaky foot on the road. Clinging onto the door handle with one hand and the other on your bullet wound you mustered up enough strength to pull yourself up.

You leaned against the car. Trying, willing yourself not to give up. Not to let your legs fall, and your eyes shut even though all you wanted was to crawl up in a ball and sleep.

Slowly you dragged yourself along. You had to help Cas.

 When you rounded the corner, you saw a sight that must have been a hallucination. Dean.

 Cas and Dean were on the ground that woman standing above them. You went to leap out. Try use your last strength to distract her. Give them enough time to attack her, when an angel blade punctured her chest. And she fell to the ground.

 The woman who stabbed her she looked so familiar. She looked like Sam and Deans mother, Mary. Dean kept her photo in your bedroom.

 _“Thanks mom”_ Dean said before standing up. He walked over to Mary pulling a hand on her shoulder.

A quite _“Dean”_ escaped your lips.

 As you began to slide down the car towards the ground. It was loud enough to grab Deans attention he spun around. The sight of you covered in blood pail and weak almost made him want to die right then and there, all his fears. All the bad things he imagined happening to you. He ran to you taking your face in his hands.

 _“Hey... hey you hold on baby okay. Cas heal her now”_ he yelled to the angel

 _“Is it really you. Are you real”_ You lifted a bloodied hand to brush small strands of hair from his forehead.

_“Yeah Y/N it’s me. I'm so sorry”_

You smiled _“I’m so….”_

Your head feel heavy in Deans hands and Cas rushed to your side. Dean turned you over in his arms as Cas placed a finger in your forehead healing you.

 _“She will be fine Dean”_ Cas assured him.

Dean pushed the hair out of your face. Your cold pale face was now regaining colour. _“Who the hell are these people”_ Dean cursed.

He held you tight for a few minutes. clinging to you. In this moment Dean knew how you felt all those times he was hurt, and most of all when he left you again. He made a promise to you then.  He would keep it this time.

 Never again.

 You came first from now on.

Cas hurried Dean. He said that more people may follow the woman who attacked them. Dean reluctantly handed you over to Cas.

 Cas laid you down in the back seat your head laying on his lap. Dean and Mary climbed into the front seat. Every few minutes Dean would look back. Making sure you were still there, still breathing.

He loved you. More than words. More than anything in the world. So much love that it ached. You were his light and his darkness. The image of you bloodied and beaten was fueling his rage. And all the pain he had been bottling up was trying to push through. He had to ignore it for now. He had to get you and his mother somewhere safe and hopefully you could have information on Sam.

You shot up startling the passengers in the car.

 Dean swerved, you snapping him out of his thoughts.

You couldn’t make sense of your surroundings. It all felt like a dream. everything after being shot was a haze to you.

 You instantly swung at Cas knocking him across the face. Dean slammed on the breaks and you kicked at Cas as he tried to reach for you. You climbed out the broken back window from the crash earlier. Cutting your leg on the exit. You scrambled from the ground and began running. Running as fast as your legs could carry you. Your name was being called behind you. Someone was chasing you and they were gaining on you.

You stopped in your tracks, turned around and braced yourself for a fight. You closed your eyes and swung. A strong hand caught your fist. You used your free hand to punch them, again they caught your fist.

 _“Let me go ass hole”_ you screamed

 _“Y/N cut it out”_ Dean yelled back at you. You slowly opened your eyes. Dean was still gripping your fist in his hands and was giving you a slightly annoyed face. _“Dean?”_

 _“Yeah princess, if I let you go. You promise you won’t hit me”_ he joked as his expression softened.

You didn’t give him an answer. You jumped forward catching his lips by surprise. Dean slowly released your hands dropping his hands to your waist pulling you in. you ran a hand up his arm. Before resting on his neck both of you trying to deepen the kiss. Trying to grab all you could from each other.

 _“You’re. How?_ ’ you finally asked pulling away tears falling from your eyes.

Dean placed a hand on your face. Stroking your cheek as he spoke _” It’s a really long story, but I promise I will tell you everything”_

_“Sam, we have to find Sam... Dean I’m so sorry. I lost him. I lost Sammy”_

Dean shushed you and placed his forehead against yours. _“We will find him. I’m going to get him back”_

 _“It’s my fault Dean, you told me to…”_ Dean cut you off by placing a soft kiss on your lips, pulling away slightly so his lips were ghosting yours _. “Don’t.”_

Dean wiped a fresh tear from your cheek he took your hand and the two of you walked back towards the impala. Cas and Mary were leaning against the trunk watching the two of you.

 _“Cas I’m so sorry I didn’t know it was you”_ Cas just smiled and placed a finger to your forehead healing your leg. Then he pulled you into a strong hug. _“Cas…can’t breathe, suffocating”_

 _“Right sorry”_ He released you. Dean placed a hand on your back and guided you towards a woman standing behind Cas.

 _“Y/N this is Mary. Mary Winchester, my mother”_ he smiled down at you.

You stretched out your hand to shake Marys.

 _“I’ve heard great things”_ Mary says causing you to blush. _“Same_ ” you returned

  After that the four of you piled into the impala Dean needed to fix her after the crash and you needed to find your bearings.  
 The thought of what Toni could be doing to Sam was consuming you and you were finding it hard to sit still. Dean was speaking you couldn’t tell if it was directed at you or the entire car you just couldn’t focus on anything but Sam.

You should be over the moon Dean wasn’t dead. He was alive and sitting right in front of you, but for some reason it was like your mind was working slow you knew how you should feel. You knew how you should act but the fear for Sam was to strong distracting you from everything else.

He was a stubborn son of a bitch he was also smart. He would not give Toni what she wanted, even if it killed him. That’s what you feared the most.

 


	6. Chapter 6

You had only been gone from the bunker for about a day. But walking through the halls it felt like it had been years. So much had happened in the last 48 hours. Chuck planting the bomb in Dean. You thinking he was dead. Being kidnapped, shot and almost dying. Now Dean was back. Mary was alive and Sam was missing. But there was this feeling. The feeling that doom was looming over you and you couldn’t turn it off.

Dean, Cas and Mary walked up the hall to the library. You made a b line for the bedrooms. You needed space. A moment to catch yourself.

You stopped outside Sam’s bedroom. Your hand lingering over the door handle. You half expected him to be sitting inside reading or doing something nerdy / athletic.

You pushed the door open. Sam kept his room kind of bare. Dean loved decorating your shared room, hanging his guns up and photos. Sam confided in you a few weeks after moving into the bunker that this felt more like him lodging, He didn’t know how to feel about the bunker, it was like he expected someone to come by and claim it or burn it to the ground, he didn’t want to get comfortable, call it a home so when it eventually was taken away, he didn’t feel that pain or loss.

You slumped down on Sam’s bed taking your first long deep breath for the first time in days. Your world had been a constant move at 110% and although Sam was missing it had slowed to about 90%. You just needed five minutes you spoke to yourself.

 Five minutes to regain yourself to process everything.

 Five minutes then Toni’s ass was yours.

You closed your eyes and laid back on Sam’s bed. You heard the stomp of approaching footsteps most likely Deans. You still had 3 minutes before you wanted to deal with him. And you needed them.

His foots stopped at Sam’s open door.

He never said anything.

Never irrupted your quite time.

He just walked quietly into the room he laid down next to you. Wrapping a single finger around one of yours and the two of you laid there in silence.

People can say what they will about Dean, he is reckless, carried the world on his shoulders, loved to shoot first ask questions later or that he could be a major dick. But he was your dick.

 He could read you like words in a book. He knew as soon as his eyes landed on you that you needed some down time. And he needed some time with you.

For a few minutes the two of you laid there he thought of what he would say. How he would word all the things he was feeling in the car. He wanted to make you understand but he sucked at expressing this stuff.

Your five minutes were up. You stood up smoothing out your clothes. Dean slowly sat up studying you. _“Right, I need a map, I can remember the few turns and the roads we were on before Toni separated me and Sam”_

You carried on ranting but Dean just looked up at you, a stupid look on his face that was slowly irritating you.

 _“Dean!”_ you yelled.

He smiled and walked over to you. slowly brushing the loose hair from your face and pressed his lips against you. You tried to push away, to fight him but he only moved closer.

You gave in.

Relaxing into Dean. Letting him take control. His tongue bushed your lip and you gladly let him enter. He tasted of mint gum a little moan escapade you at the taste of him. A shit eating grin spread across Deans face as he continued to kiss you slowly moving you back until you felt Sam’s desk press against you. You pulled Dean away. This time he knew you were serious.

_“Dean, I need a map”_

Dean looked down at the ground admitting defeat. “ _Can we just have one more minute”_

_“Dean every minute we waste is another minute that whore could be hurting Sam”_

_“I know that Y/N”_

  
_“I’m going to find a map”_ You pushed past Dean making quick haste to the library you knew he needed you, needed to talk but your mind was too busy. You needed to be occupied. Be doing something other than talking to stop your mind wandering off. Dean sighed and followed you.

You walked straight past Cas and Mary ignoring them. You made your way to a draw Sam kept all his maps in. When Dean entered Cas gave him a “is she okay” Look dean raised his hands. He knew you weren’t okay. But he couldn’t figure out if it was Sam missing or Dean leaving that had you so quiet. Usually you would talk Cas’s ear off, but now you didn’t say a word the whole drive to the bunker, you left everyone to sit alone on the room and now you were ignoring Cas as if he wasn’t even there.

You laid a map flat on the table and located the animal clinic on it. You could retrace a good distance. It wasn’t much but enough for you to start ticking places off that Toni could be hiding in.

Dean ran a hand up your back as he looked over at the map. You didn’t mean to but flinched at the contact. You were so engrossed in the details of the map that Deans contact gave you a shock. He instantly removed his hand from you. And moved back a little, Dean knew from experience not to push you when you were frustrated.

You located a few farm houses and abandoned buildings, Cas offered to check them out while Dean stayed behind fixing up the impala. Without thinking you started to pack a bag full of weapons. When Cas said, he would check them out it was implied you would go with.

 _“Hey ah princess, what you doing?”_ Dean asked coming up behind you.

 _“baking a pie what does it look like?”_ you snapped back.

 _“What the hell has gotten into you?”_ Dean asked finally having enough of your cold shoulder.

You ignored his question pushing past him to make your way to the bedroom. You had a gun under the bed that would come in handy.

Dean called after you.

When you entered the room, you threw the bag on the floor. Digging around under the bed you found Deans stash of rubbish he would kick under it when you asked him to clean the room.

 _“Y/N?”_ Dean said as he entered he entered the room. You found the gun kissing I before looking through the bed side draw for a box of bullets.

 _“Y/N”_ Dean said again this time yelling slightly.

 _“What Dean for Christ sake what?”_ you said over your shoulder.

Dean bit his bottom lip and stepped into the room closing the door behind him.

_“Look Dean I don’t have time for your tough guy bull shit. Say what you need to say and get out of my way”_

_“Are you going to come back?”_ He asked looking down at the ground

“ _What kind of stupid question is that”_ you snarled

_“You know I would understand if you didn’t”_

Shaking your head, you finally turned to Dean. He was leaning against the door twisting the bottom of his flannel in one of his hands pulling at the seams.

_“Dean you know I hate it when you do that”_

Dean dropped the piece of his shirt and gave you an apologetic smile. _“Just add that to the list of things I’m sorry for”_

You gave out a huge sigh and dropped the gun on the bed, “ _Why wouldn’t I come back baby”_

Dean kicked at the air and made his way to the bed sitting on the edge his back to you. _“Because I left. I left and you and Sam were kidnapped. You both were shot. You nearly died. While all this was happening, I was sitting on a park bench chit chatting with my mother. I should of know something was wrong, I should of fucken known Y/N.”_

Dean put his head in his hands _.  “You didn’t know baby”_ You ran a hand down Deans neck rubbing the spot in-between his shoulder blades.

 _“You didn’t know”_ You said again sitting behind him you kissed his shoulder.

_“I always do this to you. I make these promises. We make plans for the future and I’m always the one ruining them. I meant what I said in that grave yard Y/n I wanted you to get over me. Let me go, maybe even have a normal life. One were I’m not messing it up, getting people killed, now Sam’s gone and this is all my fault I never should have pulled him in all those years ago, I never should have fallen in love with you. I signed your death certificate.”_

You leaned into Deans back wrapping your arms around his rips. _“I would never leave you Dean. Your more than my boyfriend, you’re my family. You and Sam are my world. I’m sorry I wasn’t more, loving earlier I  was still so tense from what happen. I keep thinking about that woman hurting Sam, God dean he has suffered more than me and you, he was tortured by the devil himself we dragged him back into this world . WE turned up at his college. When he got out with Amelia I dragged him in again, so stop blaming yourself we have been a team since day one. Since I was 16 we have been a team. You make a decision it’s a god dam shared decision no matter what. You say I, I hear we. Okay. I love you Dean, I really do. But right now we need to suck it up and me and Cas need to go find our Sammy”_

Dean turned and tried to protest. You raised a finger to his lips shushing him. _“You need to stay here, work on the impala and spend time with your mother, I would give anything to have my parents back Dean, you have got what most hunters Dream about, a second chance. Take it baby”_

You gave him quick kiss he held onto you for a few more seconds. _“Just… if you don’t_ ” he began to say

_“Dean Winchester, I’m coming back”_

Dean took your face in his hands and locked his eyes with yours. _“I just want to say one thing before you go, don’t interrupt just listen”_

You nodded, pulling one of Deans hands from your face and twisting his fingers in yours.

_“I’m not the best man in the world, I’ve done a lot of bad things, somethings I can never make up for. A lot of them, a lot of my mistakes have been towards you I have hurt you in more ways than one. I’m sorry. For everything I’ve ever done.”_

You kissed Dean’s forehead. _“Don’t you ever apologize to me again”_

Dean looked at you confused.

_“You don’t have to apologize for things you can’t control. “_

Dean tried to speak but a knock interrupted.

 _“Yeah”_ You called out

 _“Y/n are you still coming?”_ Cas asked from outside the door.

_“Be there in a minute”_

You smiled at Dean. You ran a hand down his face. Running a finger across his lower lip _. “I'll see you soon”_ You kissed his forehead before reaching for the door.

 Dean grabbed your arm pulling you into his lap. He planted a hot passionate kiss on your lips. You pulled at his neck deepening it, welcoming him into your mouth, he tasted more like whiskey this time, he obviously had raided the library whiskey stash a few minutes earlier.

You rubbed your nose against his. “ _I’ll find him_ ” You whispered

Dean smiled at you. _“If you are going to go out in public you should probably get changed first’_

You followed Deans gaze you once white top was covered in dark blood from when you were shot. Your jeans were ripped from climbing out the smashed impala window.

 _“I should shower to”_ You laughed.

Dean patted your knee and helped you stand _. “I'll tell Cas you’re just going to take a little longer than a minute, knowing him he’s most likely counting”_

He gave you a wink as he closed the bedroom door.

You felt a lot better, you still felt like this impending doom was looming over you, but at least you had Dean back. And you were that much closer to getting Sam.


	7. Chapter 7

You hid behind a tree. Trying to survey the grounds, Toni was smart she had to know you would come back. She would have left traps, Cas was warded out so he couldn’t hear or get inside the house, but you could.

Cas crept up behind you, holding his phone out. “ _He wishes to speak with you”_

You grabbed the phone from Cas and moved back towards the truck. _“Hey, what’s up”_

 _“Wait for me”_ Dean said almost speaking over you

 _“Dean I’m here I can…”_  
_“Y/N, no wait”_

You kicked at the dirt. _“Fine, Il just hang back, watch the house”_  
_“Pinky promise”_ he joked lightening the mood. You let out a small chuckle walking further down the gravel road just in case someone heard you. _“I Pinky promise”_

 _“Wait a second”_ You could hear Dean opening a door

The line went silent. you watched the curious angel crouch behind a bush flicking his coat out like a diva before crouching down, you let out another laugh.

_“Y/N?”_

_“Yeah still here”_ you said your attention being brought back to Dean

_“I need some advice?”_

_“Dean metal doesn’t go in the microwave”_  
  


_“Oh ha-ha, no not that again. Its mom”_

_“What about her?”_ you were curious now

_“It’s just, it feels awkward between us, like I don’t know how to act around her I asked Cas but he wasn’t exactly helpful”_

_“What did he say?”_  
_“I make things overly complicated”  
“Honey, overly complicated is your middle name”_ you joked

“Great okay forget I asked “Dean scoffed  
_“Dean, hey. Just don’t be awkward, I know it’s easier said than done. Try… talking about your dad, the good things”_

“The good things…Yeah… “

_“like that time he took you and Sam to that boxing thing”_

_“Right. Yeah, that will work thanks”_

_“What I’m here for Deano”_

_“Really thanks. “  
“See you soon”_

_“See you soon”_

You handed Cas back his phone as you sat down next to him.

_“Seen anything?”_

_“I thought I saw a figure in the upstairs window”_

“ _That’s something at least”_

Cas turned away from the house to look at you. He watched you. Just like in the grave yard he could tell when something was bothering you.

When Cas became a human and he had to leave the bunker because of the whole, angel inside Sam situation you went with him. Dean really didn’t like kicking Cas out but you going with him, helping him get settled made it a little easier.

You found Cas an apartment and Job, the two of you pretended to be brother and Sister. You spent two weeks with him teaching him the 411 on human living. He was a slow study but eventually got it. He even mastered scrambled eggs, after nearly burning the apartment down several times. But most of all the two of you became extremely close. You could safely call Cas one of your best friends and you his.

 _“Did I interrupt something the other day, when I knocked on your door”_ He asked

“No, it was. No Dean was just having a Dean moment” You pulled a pair of binoculars out to get a better look at the farm house from this distance.

_“Are you okay. I can sense something is bothering you”  
“I’m fine, just want to get Sam back”_

Cas squinted his eyes. _“Y/N, that’s only half true”_

You sighed and lowered the binoculars. “ _I’m just sick of bad things happening. Honestly I think it’s because of all those mirrors Sam and Dean smashed all those years ago”_ You lifter the binoculars back up

_“What does the breaking of mirrors have to do with our current discussion”_

A smile crept across your face. _“I so love these talks Cas”_

You sat there the boredom setting in. to the point where you and Cas started playing eye spy, he was surprisingly good at it.

 _“I’m going to sneak a closer look”_  
“Dean said to wait” Cas said almost begging you not to leave  
_“I know. I’m going to look not touch”_ you stood up brushing the dirt off your jeans. “Keep a lookout”

 _“He will not like this”  
_ You pulled your gun out and crept closer to the house mumbling _“He never does”_ under your breath.

 You moved slow, painfully slow. You had to be careful. Toni had already warded the house who knows what else she could have hidden around the property.  You had reached an old wooden shed like building when you decided this was a good place to stay for a while. You watched the house. Either Toni was purposely avoiding all windows or she was hunkered down somewhere. It was oddly creepy there was not a single sound coming from the house. No movement at all. That is either a really bad sign Sam was dead. Or a good one She wasn't torturing him you couldn’t tell.

You decided to take a closer look, knowing Dean would already be annoyed you might as well get a closer look if you were to suffer his wrath.

You reached a cellar door and gave it a few tugs. It was locked shut.

 Shit you thought.

 You turned around about to walk back to Cas when you looked down at your feet. There was a curious drawing under your foot. You lifted a foot to get a better look as soon as you did that a bright light almost blinded you. _“Son of bitch”_

Toni shoved you down the stairs you almost lost your balance on the way down. When you reached the bottom, you saw Sam sitting barefoot, wet and half-conscious tied to a chair.

 _“What did you do”_ You yelled at her causing Sam to stir. Toni knocked you in the head with her gun and cuffed you to a pipe on the wall.

“ _That was for killing Mrs. Watt”_

_“Don’t worry you will see her again real soon”_

Toni hit you across the head again

_“Jeez, stop hitting me”_

_“And I’m guessing your angel friend is outside “  
_ Toni lifter you top to revile where the bullet wound once was. _“And he healed you, how handy”_

 _“Y/N”_ Sam was sitting up looking at you. He looked tired, and wrecked.

 _“Hey. Hey. Don’t worry we are going to get out of here, real soon”_ You snarled the last part at Toni.

 _“At least now I have some leverage”_ Toni said walking over to a cart full of different items used for torturing.

You kept eye contact with Sam. Mouthing that is going to be okay.

Toni pulled out a slim long knife and started to walk over to Sam

 _“Now Y/N, I’m guessing we don’t have a lot of time before your friend storms in here and tries to kill me, so we are just going to skip all the I won’t tell you anything bull shit and get right to the part where you answer all my questions. First I want the names and locations of every hunter you know and then Sam is going to give me the pass codes for the men of letters archives”  
_ You laughed, _“Well Hun, sorry to let you sown all the hunters I know are dead”_

Toni held the knife to Sam’s knuckle.

 _“Names please”_  
_“Sam and Dean Winchester, Lebanon_ ** _,_** _Kansas_. D _one that’s all the hunters I know._ ”

Toni pushed the knife down into Sam knuckle casing him to wince in pain, you kicked at the air and pulled at the cuffs around your wrist.

_“Stop, I told you the Winchesters are the only hunters I know please”_

_“See I know your lying. I’ve read your file. Your name is Y/N Y/LN, Born in Monroe Michigan. You were raised by Lilly and Kyle Y/LN who were tragically killed in a car accident, but really they were torn to shreds by a werewolf when you were 11, You were then handed to family member from family member for 2 years until you got to a one Robert Singer a distant relative married into your family. Married your mother’s cousin If I remember correctly. You want me to believe that you lived in the Singer household and not once came across another hunter. Other than the Winchesters of course. You never once hunted with someone other than the Winchesters “_  
  


_“I did, but their all dead, their contact details died with Bobby. Sorry.”_

Toni’s phone went off causing her to pull the knife from Sam and look at her phone _“Il be back”_ She slammed the knife down on the cart and left the basement.

“ _Sam hey, Cas is outside and Deans is on his way, we are going to get out of here just hold on till then.”_  
_“You never told me that’s how they died”_

You pretended you didn’t hear him as you fumbled around with the cuffs trying to get free.

_“Y/N, you said it was a car accident”_

_“We all get into this for a reason, it was just easier you thinking I was raised into it. Don’t tell him please”_

_“Tell who? Cas?”_

_“No Dean”  
_ “Dean doesn’t know!”

_“No one does. Not even Bobby knew. At least I think”_

_“Y/N”_

_“Sam really its old news, You guys were so busy with yellow eyes, and your dads crap you didn’t need mine added onto that. I just got over it. Never got around to telling you what really happened. It’s okay really just try stay awake okay”_

_“Y/N you know Deans Dead”_  
_“Um, not so much”_

“ _He’s alive_ ”

_“Yeah and there’s some other stuff as well but let’s just try get out of here first okay”_

Toni opened the door a huge grin plastered across her face. _“We have another guest”  
_ She pulled Dean into the door way smiling at you before shoving him down the stairs. She cuffed Dean to a beam closer to Sam.

 _“Now let’s see if we can get some names out of you”_ Toni said reaching for brass knuckle’s

She punched Dean across the mouth causing you to let out an angry growl.

_“Passcodes Sam, names Y/N”_

_“No? “She said before hitting Dean across the face again._

_“Well. You see the Men of letters have a long tradition of intellectual excellence, In London we have had to take exhaustive studies of even the most archaic topics.”_

Toni picked up the same knife she was using on Sam _earlier “For example the parts of the body most sensitive to pain”  
_ She grabbed Deans face in one of her hands, causing you to pull at your cuffs again.

 _“the ear drum, decaying tooth, below the belt of course.”_  
Deans eyes looked as if they would pop from his head as he looked towards you for help. Toni just smiled and carried on with her threat.

_“and my favorite under the eye lid.”_

The pipe you were cuffed to began to loosen you could almost get the cuffs around it.

_“Did you know it was possible to die from pain”_

A gun clicking caused Toni to stop and turn and like a guardian angel there was Mary.

 _“Get away from them”_ she snapped. Toni’s face was priceless for once she didn’t know everything.

 _“Mom”_ Sam said in disbelief.  
_“Drop it, get on the ground”_ Mary ordered Toni.

 When Toni didn’t listen, she hit her in the face. God that was satisfying to watch. Mary handed Dean the keys and he fumbled around trying to unlock his cuffs.

You watched Toni and like slow motion you saw Mary look away from her for a split second.

 _“Mary watch out”_ You yelled as Toni grabbed for the gun. She hit Mary causing her to stumble backwards before Toni hit Sam and Dean. Casing Dean to drop the keys

You quickly went back to pulling at the pipe. Finally, the pipe popped off the wall and you were free. Still hand cuffed but not attached to the wall anymore. You scrambled to Dean grabbing the keys at his feet and handing them to him. Toni was beating the crap out of Mary.

She kicked Mary through an old shelf before you could get to her. You kicked Toni in the back of her leg causing her to fall forward. Mary knocked the gun from her hand and it slid across the ground away from the fighting.

Toni spun around and punched you in the stomach causing you to double over winded from the hit. Mary got a few more jabs in.

 Dean came up behind you placing a hand on your back, you nodded at him letting him know you were good and he shot the gun at the roof.

Standing up straight you took in deep breaths. And he handed you the keys for the cuffs. You unlocked your cuffs. Rubbing your wrist when they fell to the ground.

You didn’t see what Toni did but as soon as you looked up Mary was gasping for air and Toni’s hand was bleeding.

“Stop the spell, I’m not kidding” Dean said stepping forward

 _“Give me the gun. You shoot me your mother dies”  
_ Dean flipped the gun over and went to hand it to her. As soon as he as close enough he punched Toni knocking her out.

“Dean!” Sam yelled                                                 

_“It’s okay she was using a Chinese mind control technique, part to do with your subconscious”_

You started to uncuff Sam.  
_“I don’t even want to know how you know that”_ You said over your shoulder.

Dean helped Mary to her feet.

“Well Played” A man said standing at the bottom of the stairs. Cas a few behind him.

“Please finish uncuffing him from the chair “he gestured towards you and Sam.

You quickly slid the cuffs of Sam’s wrist shooting Dean a look that mean keep an eye on this guy.

Dean handed you his jacket and you wrapped it around Sam’s shivering body before, placing an arm around his ribs and steadying him so he could stand.

 

The man introduced himself as Mick. He apologized for Toni’s actions as assured that she would receive punishment back in London for her actions. He gave Cas his card and wanted us to call him once we had cooled down, recovered and thought about working with them. In all honesty, it took everything you had not to put a bullet between Toni’s eyes right then and there. If Sam wasn’t relying on you to stand, you probably would have.

After Mick and Toni left you helped Sam up the basement Stairs. Stopping for Cas to heal him. He was still a bit weak so you let him lean on you as you walked back to the impala.

 _“I was so worried Y/N, I thought you were dead”_ Sam said as you helped him sit on a fence

 _“What me, never. You know me, it would take a nuclear bomb and an army to keep me away from you guys”_ You handed him bottle of water

Sam laughed before holding the bottle up to his lips almost finishing the bottle in a few gulps.

Cas was healing Mary. Dean with them, they were obviously discussing Mick and the British men of letters situation.

 _“I still can’t believe it_ ” Sam said finishing the last of the water

 _“Your mom?”_ you said taking a seat on the fence next to him

_“I’m guessing it had something to do with Amara and Chuck?”_

_“Amara actually, I guess she thought it would make up from everything she did”_

_“It’s a start”_ Sam said bumping his shoulder against yours.

 _“You need some more water”_ you bumped him back

“ _I’m good, thanks”  
_ Cas, Dean and Mary walked over towards you and Sam

 _“You good?”_ Dean asked placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder. Sam nodded and Dean gestured for you to climb in the impala. Sam sat in the back with you. He kept stealing glances at Mary in the seat in front of him. It was like he thought she would disappear or she wasn’t real. Sam was no stranger to hallucinations, but this time she was real and he had a mother, He just didn’t know what it meant.


	8. Chapter 8

You awoke the next morning stretching out you expected to feel another body next to you. Rolling over, Deans side of the bed was empty. You ran a hand down the bed, it was cold. You noticed Dean had been getting up earlier in the mornings instead of sleeping in to mid-day. It’s something he had been doing for a while, He never really slept anymore.

 

You joined him one night, waking up cold and alone. You wrapped his dressing gown around yourself and crept through the halls of the bunker. The patter of your bare feet echoed through the empty quite halls.

You found him sitting alone in the library a single lamp on. Even though you could just see his back you could tell he was tense. You walked up to him slowly. The smell of whiskey hitting you when you got close.

 He hadn’t noticed you yet. He had a glass of whiskey in one hand. With the other he ran it over the mark of Cain. This was a few weeks after Dean had been healed. He still didn’t trust himself around you and spent a lot on his time sitting in that seat drinking. You slowly reached a hand out and ran it down his shoulder. Dean didn’t flinch, for the first time in weeks he didn’t flinch at your touch. Instead relaxed under your fingertips. He just bought a hand up to touch yours. His thumb softly running over your knuckles.

You wrapped your other arm around his neck following the collar of his top until your hand rested just over his possession tattoo.

 _“Couldn’t sleep?”_ You whispered into his ear

Dean just nodded, still gripping onto your hand.

 _“Me neither”_ You walked around him sitting in his lap. You grabbed his whiskey glass and tossed it back. The warm liquid burning the way down.

a small smile spread across his face for a second. He always loved how you could be this sweet innocent looking girl. You were so compassionate and loving. But at the same time, you were this deadly force.You could have the mouth of a sailor, take off a vamp's head in a single sweep. Seen you hold your own in a fight against 3 demons. You were a sucker for a strong drink just like him, and you loved greasy food that had 3 kinds of meat stuffed into each other.

That’s how a lot of your nights ended. Going to bed with Dean, waking up when you can’t feel his arms around to. Only to find him in the library. The two of you would sit together drink and chat about stupid things like the weather or Sam’s hair before slipping back to bed for a few hours.

 

 taking advantage of the empty bed you rolled to the middle and stretched out without the fear of pushing Dean off the bed, something you had done on numerous accounts.

Climbing out of bed you threw on a pair of shorts and one of Deans old flannels that you had claimed years ago.

Groggy from sleep you made your way through the halls of the bunker eyes closer following the beautiful smell of coffee.

 _“Morning princess”_ Dean said a huge smile across his face. You grumbled in acknowledgment as you made a direct line to the coffee pot behind Sam. Poring a generous amount and taking a bliss full sip. You slumped down on chair next to Sam.

He patted the messy hair sticking up from your long night with Dean.

Sam chucked _“Sleep well”_

You leaned over the table and grabbed a piece of Bacon of Deans plate _“The sleep I did get, best in weeks”_

Dean hid his smile behind his mug. You gave him a cheeky wink.

 _“so I found this last night”_ Sam said handing you a folded piece of paper.

You stuffed the bacon in your mouth and wiped the grease on his sleeve before taking the paper off him. _“What’s this”_

“ _The only information I could find on the British men of letters”_

You took another sip of the coffee an almost sexual moan escaping your lips. Dean shifted in his seat. Sam gave you a side eye

 _“Sorry this is just really good, anyway_ ” you placed your mug down and studied the paper. There was barely any writing on it and anything that could have been helpful was blacked out. _“So we basically know nothing”_

 _“Basically”_ Dean added.

Cas appeared in the kitchen door way. _“Morning sunshine. Coffee?”_ Dean asked

You gave Dean a curious look, he was never a morning person. Was your old Dean starting to make a comeback? After the way he destroyed the pie last night. Speaking with his mouth full and his his goofy laugh. Pie all over his lips. You had to instinctively wipe the filling of his chin with your thumb, it started to feel like the old times in that moment. That night falling asleep you were happy. And Dean slept the whole night through for once. Still getting up at the crack of dawn but at least there was no late-night drinking in the library.

 _“No I’m leaving”_ Cas said before walking away. The three of you glanced between each other before getting up following Cas. You quickly reached over grabbing the last piece of bacon of Deans plate and followed the brothers.

 _“I’ve got a lead on Lucifer_ ” You heard Cas say as you approached.

 _“That’s great_ ” You said a moth full of bacon, Dean gave you a proud smile.

 _“I was just telling them I’m going to follow a lead, a witness saw a man with red glowing eyes, thinking it could be him_ ”

You swallowed your mouth full _“Great give me 10 and I’ll join you we can take your truck”_

You went to walk away but were stopped by two hands wrapping around each of your arms Sam and Dean both had a hold on you.

 _“What?”_ You said confused

 _“You can’t leave”_ They both said simultaneously

_“Why not?”_

_“They are afraid to be alone with their mother”_ Cas said

Sam and Dean both let go of you “ _No”_ they said at the same time screwing their faces up

 _“Okay one, stop that its creepy. Two, Cas is going to need a hand… right”_ You kicked Cas foot and he looked at you annoyed. And kicked you back. You coughed and Cas finally caught on

 _“Right, I get lonely on road trips and Y/N is better at speaking to humans than I am_ ”

_“See, and who am I to argue with an angel of the lord”_

Sam sighed and Dean ran a hand through his hair.

_“Look boys, she’s your mother, that kind of means she has to like you no matter what. Just hang get to know her”_

They both nodded. You kissed both of their check before heading to your room to get changed.

\--

You stayed quite as Cas interviewed Tommy, letting him take the lead. You were impressed he was doing really well. Asking the right questions and none of his weird comments comments although you do love those comments.

 _“If you hear from him please call “_ Cas said handing Tommy his card.

_“Sure thing agent Beyoncé…”_

Shit and he was doing so well. You let out a loud cough and possibly the fakest laugh in the world.

_“Oh ha-ha that’s of course not his real name. Agent Smith here was the victim of a stupid prank at the office.”_

“Right” Tommy said buying your bullshit.

 _“Nice meeting you sir, my brother in law is a big fan”_ You grabbed Cas by the hand and practically dragged him around the corner.

_“Beyoncé really?”_

_“You and the Winchesters choose popular names all the time”  
“Yes but not Beyoncé, next time try something a little less mainstream"_ You let out a laugh and punched him in the arm.

“ _Other than that, you did good. I’m impressed”_

A huge smile spread across Cas’s face.

 _“I guess that makes me Jay-z”_ Came from behind you, Cas’s expression hardened

You instantly recognized that voice. Taking a deep breath, you turned to face Crowley.

“ _No”_ You snapped this time Cas grabbed your hand and lead you out towards the parking lot.

 _“Oh come on “_ Crowley followed the two of you whining like a little kid

 _“Come on I can help, we haven’t tried to kill each other for months, okay months. I was a pretty big help with Amara”  
_ you spun around _“You want to cross off a few months’ off right now_ ”. You opened the side of your Fed blazer exposing the handle of the demon knife.

 _“those apes trusted you with that”_ Crowley said trying to reach for the knife. You slapped his hand away

 _“Yeah and I’m not afraid to stab an old man in a parking lot”_ You spun around the end of your pony tail smacking him across the face.

 _“Feathers you agree with this?”_ Crowley said giving up on you

Cas just rolled his eyes and carried on walking to driver side of the truck.

 _“Well while the two of you were chatting up that witness I was ransacking Vince’s room, found these”_ Crowley help up a bunch of post cards

 _‘What are those”_ You reached for them this time Crowley swiped your hand away.

 _“Post cards from his sister, and look an address. You want them. We team up. I want that prick back in the cage as much as you, believe me”_ He placed the postcard back in his jacket.

“Yeah Cas told me about the whole floor licking thing” You said proudly

Crowley gave Cas an annoyed look. “Don’t tell people that”

You folded your hands and looked over at Cas _. “We do need the lead_ ” He said.

 _“Fine you can come, but you do as I say, my word is law, no finger clicking neck snapping. And the Winchesters don’t hear of this. got it_ ” You waved your finger in his face 

 _“You ride in the back”_ Cas added as he slammed the driver door.

Crowley practically skipped into the truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to catch up with the show. i will try post a chapter every day. and im working on a prequel story possibly in the early years of Dean and the readers relationship, i would really like to do some stuff with John in it so maybe a bunch of one shots to go with this story.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean had this feeling before. It’s the same feeling he had when you first started hunting with him. The constant looking over his shoulder. Making sure you were okay. After a few years, the feeling diminished, countless times you saved each other, he watched you kick ass, and defy all odds. He knew his mother was a seasoned hunter. He knew that she could hold her own. He knew that, but he couldn’t fight this feeling like something bad would happen.

Leaving her behind wasn’t his proudest moment. But after she was locked in that room. Calling out for them, he couldn’t help but flash back to that night. The night she died.

==

Cas pulled into Vince’s, sisters drive. You spun around to Crowley in the back _“I mean it Crowley my word is law”_

 _“Got it”_ He said a cynical smile across his face.

Cas was fixing his hair in the side mirror, you noticed Crowley’s annoyed look. You walked over helping Cas straighten his tie and pushed his hair back _. “There, perfect_ ” You patted his shoulder before turning around to Crowley _“Not enough fluffing in the world could fix that_ “You pointed to his face before flashing him your biggest smile

 _“Cas do you want to take the lead?”_ You said approaching the door.

 _“I don’t know Y/N.”_ Cas was interrupted by the ringing of your cell phone.

 _“Looks like you don’t have a choice now”_ You squeezed his shoulder before walking back towards the truck to answer the call.

 _“Hey Dean”_ answering the phone

 _“Actually its Mary”  
“ is everything okay” a_ hint of panic in your voice

_“oh yeah, everything’s fine. I’m just working out the kinks on cell phones’_

_“How’s the case?”_ You asked relaxing

 _“The boys seem to have it handled_ ” She sounded a bit sad, you recognized that tone. You had used it before.

_“Did they bench you?”_

_“What no, they just left me while they went to salt and burn the bodies”  
“Yup, Mary they benched you. Don’t worry Deans done that to me countless times”_  
_“How did that end”_ She said curiously, she already knew the answer though  
_“Usually… with a punch to his nose”_

You and Mary shared a laugh.  You looked back and saw Wendy slam the door in Cas’s face. Great.

 _“Sorry Mary I don’t want to be rude but did you need something?”_  
“ _Not really but I could use your help .”_  
_“Sure”_ You were excited to help her.

You helped Mary locate the number of the real-estate office that handled the property of the case they were working. Something you knew was to go with your gut. Although it was rear. They missed things sometimes. More times than you could count the salt and burn would turn in to a complicated case that left one of them bloodied and beaten. If Mary had a feeling this was more than what Sam and Dean think, you encouraged her, hopefully it wouldn’t come back and bite you in the ass.

==

You managed to find Cas and Crowley. Approaching you could hear Crowley making one of his empty threats. Luckily Cas stopped him or you would have run him though.

 _“What did I say Crowley”_ You yelled _  
‘What you weren’t here, and she needed a push”_

Your hand ran over the Demon blade tucked in the top of your skirt.

 _“Look Wendy I think you know that wasn’t your brother, it was something much older, ancient and evil”_ Cas said stepping forward

 _“We don’t want to hurt your brother; we want to help him”_ You said letting your hand fall away from the demon blade

 _“It was like Vince but not Vince. He healed me but he was really cold about it,Like it didn't faze him. then he took off with his groupie friend_ ”

 _“What friend_?” You said coming closer to her and Cas

“ _Red head_ ” She answered

Cas met your gaze and it was like you could read each other’s mind, that’s why Crowley was here. His mother. Rowena

Wendy gave you the details to one of Vince’s cabins. You thanked her and apologized for Crowley.

Following them you could hear Crowley rambling, trying to get Cas’s mind to drift from Rowena.

When you were almost back at the truck you grabbed Crowley by the shoulders throwing him into the side of the truck.

_“Really, you’re going to pretend we didn’t just find out Lucifer had Rowena”_

_“Hey, hey this suit is expensive’_ Crowley tied to swipe your hands away

 _“I’ll give you expensive”  
_ you went to reach for the knife but Cas stopped you, pulling you behind him. His hand grabbing yours

 _“Wish squirrel was here now, to tighten your leash”_ Crowley said smoothing down his suit _  
“Don’t push it Crowley”_ Cas said turning to face him, your hand still firmly in his grip.

 _“I knew there was something you weren’t telling us”_ Cas added sharply

_“Yes so me and mother had an unfortunate and mildly embarrassing run in with Lucifer, You and Deans little ...”_

_“Go on finish that sentence_ “You snapped trying to grab at Crowley with your other hand

 _“Y/N!”_ Cas snapped at you

You huffed but finally gave in. Cas waited making sure you were calm enough before dropping your hand.

 _“Like I was saying you two are mad because you were my second choice for a let’s find Lucifer team up”  
_ you folded your arms keeping quiet but you were fuming, you hated Crowley. Like a fire in your gut you wanted to kill him. Put him down so he would stop causing trouble you blamed him for everything that happened the past year, for what he did to Dean, To you. and this anger wasn’t going to go away overnight. Cas had a sarcastic tone, it sounded hilarious and snapped you out of your evil ponder

 _“You just want to save your mother”_  
You couldn’t help but bite your lip trying to hold back the laugh at Cas’s, attempt at sarcasm. It was beautiful more so because it was aimed at Crowley

 _“It’s not about saving her”_ Crowley Snapped “ _Lucifer has the most powerful with in the world, he will either kill her, control her. Or she will offer her skills to the biggest bad in town, in order to save herself. Like she always does, does any of those sounds like good out comes to you”_

Cas looked back at you. You maintained your hard expression.

“ _No, that’s what I thought, let’s go_ ” Crowley said turning towards the truck

You came up behind Cas, placing a hand on his back “ _You know what, I still think he wants to save his mommy”_ You imitated Cas for the last part

Cas gave you a smile before his expression hardened and he faced you.

_“Y/N, what was that”_

“ _What was what?”_ You pretended not to know what he was talking about

 _“You were just going to kill him, in the street”_  
“Yes I would have, and in the parking lot earlier if we didn’t need him”  
“I understand you don’t like him’ Cas said placing a hand on your shoulder

 _“No Cas I hate him, He has manipulated and twisted everything in our lives from the day he entered it. It’s not our fault he was weak and a coward not being able hold his throne against Abandon, because of that slimy little shit, so much bad happened’  
“Ahh I see” _ Cas dropped his hand and folded his arms  
“ _You see what”_ You mirrored him  
_“This is about Dean”  
“Not everything is about Dean, Cas” _ You started to walk towards the truck , Cas grabbed your arm again “ _You haven’t told him have you”_  
“Told who”  
_“You haven’t told Dean about what Crowley did to you, were I found you_ ”

 _“No, I won’t. I never will.”_ You pulled from his grasp _  
“Because he will blame himself”_ Cas said He knew very well Dean blamed himself for all the things he couldn’t control.  
_“Look it makes me sick to my stomach that im even breathing the same air as him, he is a means to an end Cas, we get Lucifer, and throw him to the curb, But I swear another sneaky trick or”_  
_“He’s dead I agree”_ Cas nodded  
_“Will you two hurry up”_ Crowley screamed from his perch in the back of the truck.

 _“You better take this from me_ ” You said trying to hand Cas the Demon knife

_“Keep it, or I will use it”_

_==_

Dean was mad. Mad and annoyed at himself not his mother. Had he trusted her. Listened to her, she never would have got possessed. And they could have saved a lot of time. All he wanted was to get back to the bunker, fall asleep in your arms and pretend this hunt never happened. He took a second before following Sam and Mary and decided to give you a call.  Just needing to hear your voice to take the edge off. Not to mention he hadn’t checked up of you today, you were hunting Lucifer, He knew Cas would protect you. He just wanted to reassure himself.

=

You were following closely behind Cas. Gripping on to the back of his coat, he had his angel blade you had the demon knife.

 You knew they were all but useless against Lucifer but it was something. Crowley took the lead. Walking slowly around each corner

It was dead silent when suddenly your phone rang.

 _“Shit_ “You whispered loud trying to shut if off quickly,

“ _Why is that thing on’_ Crowley yell whispered at you

“I forgot okay, people make mistakes” You yelled back breaking the whisper, Cas winced at the sound of your raised voice, any element of surprise you had was now gone.

“If you’re looking for Lucifer, you just missed him, cup of tea” Rowena said. She was sitting on the porch a tea in her hand. You finally hung up the phone and turned it off

=

Dean screw his face up, the phone rang. But you hanged up on him. He decided to try again. This time it went straight to voice mail, you turned your phone off. Dean wasn’t going to lie; he was kind of panicking

 _“Sam, you haven’t spoken to Y/N, today have you?”_ He said approaching the impala

 _“No, why what’s up”_ Sam said peering over the roof of the impala

 _“She just, hung up on me, tired her again but her phone was off_ ”  
_“She’s most likely in the middle of something, she’ll call back”_ Sam smiled opening the passenger door  
_“I spoke to her”_ Mary said climbing out of the back seat to meet the boys gaze  
_“You did, what did she say”_ Dean said a little to intensely  
_“She said she was getting close, they were following a lead, the vessels sister I think she said”  
_ Dean looked at Sam fear in his eyes _. “Dean she’s got Cas”_  
_“No, you’re right. Il call her again later”_  
Sam and Mary climbed into the impala. Dean twisted his phone in his hands, Sam was right, you were fine. You were always fine.

 


	10. Chapter 10

_“Come on, hit it partner”_  your hand in Cas’s face. He squinted his eyes looking at your hand. You started shaking it  _“Don’t leave a girl hanging”_

Cas finally gave in slowly tapping his hand against yours.

“ _We can work on that”_ You said screwing your face up

 _“You know we shouldn’t be celebrating, he is not in the cage”  
“Yeah but he’s trapped at the bottom of the ocean Cas, that gives us a chance to take a fresh, calming relaxing breath” _ you took in a deep breath  
_“I don’t technically need to breathe”_  
“You know what I mean” You said slapping him on the shoulder “Come on let’s ditch the dead weight and go have a celebration drink before heading back”

“You know I can’t get drunk anymore right” Cas said following you

You and Cas stopped at a bar, it was about 3 hours from the bunker, playing a few rounds of darts and pool. You were trying to get Cas drunk that only resulted in you getting completely wasted, Cas had do cut you off ordering you a glass of water.  you were having fun. Not realizing you left your phone off, and the mess that was unraveling back at the bunker.

=

Dean stopped listening somewhere in between “my little boy Dean” and “I have to go”. A lump was growing in his throat and he was finding it hard to breath. He couldn’t believe it.

She was leaving, again.

Why couldn’t she stay.

Try figure it out with them. When she tried to hug him he stepped away, He didn’t want to be touched. Not by her, not by anyone. He needed her to just leave, stop stalling. She kept saying she was sorry. But all he could think about was his mother, leaving him again. But this time she wanted to leave.

==

 _“Boop”_ You said smashing a finger on Cas’s Nose, he swiped It away.  
_“Y/N, im driving”_

 _“You shouldn’t be driving in your condition young man, I counted 8 beers”_ You said waving a drunk finger at the angel

 _“They don’t affect me anymore”  
_ You let out a large drunken laugh, remembering when Cas was human. You had bought home a bottle of whisky, when he was an angel he could throw an entire bottle back and not feel a thing. He attempted it grabbing the bottle from your hand, he took about three large gulps before coughing and freaking out saying that he was “suffering internal burns” from the alcohol. After a few more shots, he was completely drunk. That night ended with Cas’s head in the toilet and you recording him on your phone.

 _“And then you feel asleep on the seat, ha-ha do you remember “You_ were holding your sides in pain from the laughter _  
“Yes, it was horrible_ ” Cas said shivering at the thought of the memory

 _“OH, those were the times, do you miss it?”_ You said wiping a tear from your eye  
_“Being human?”  
“Being normal” _ You sounded serious

 _“Sometimes, I miss the food most of all, when I eat now it doesn’t taste the same. All I taste is molecules”_  
“ _I miss how simple everything was”_ You said slumping down in your seat

 _“Are you saying your unhappy”_ He asked  
_“No, I’m …. I don’t know”_ You sat up in the seat and faced him _“Doesn’t it feel like one thing after the other Cas. I mean, ever since we met. The apocalypse, Lucifer, the seals, Sam with no soul, the leviathans, the trials, Abandon, the freakn mark of Cain, we used to be normal…ish, the biggest monster we ever came across was a werewolf or a Djinn. Now we see a demon every second day and its changed us, everything that’s happened. Did you know Dean used to be this happy, dork that never lashed out, he would sleep nights through, he would play pranks on Sam and me, he…’_ Your voice trailed off _“Forget it I’m drunk_ ”

 _“Dean still does those thing’s”_ His voice full of compassion _  
“Yeah I know, just ignore me”_ You laid back in the seat looking out your window. Drifting off to sleep

Cas pulled over to a small grocery store and you were asleep in the car while he ran inside. He pulled his phone out at the till and realized he had several missed calls from Sam He dialed Sam’s number

 _“Sam. What’s wrong”_ He said as soon as Sam answered

 _“Where’s Y/N she’s not answering her phone”_  
_“she is asleep in the car; her phone must be still off from earlier”  
_ Sam was quite

 _“Sam, is something wrong”_  
_“Yeah…Mom left.”_ His voice cracked  
_“What do you mean she left”_  
“She needed space, catch up on the 30 odd years she’s missed”  
“Are you okay?” Cas asked

 _“Yeah, I understand why she needs space”_ Sam responded  
_“Dean doesn’t ?” Cas asked  
“That’s the thing, when she let he was quite for a little while, now he’s acting fine with it. But he’s being moody and irritable I don’t like it…Just can you get her here?”_ Sam practically begged  
_“Be there in an hour”_

Cas returned to the car shaking you awake he handed you a paper cup, filled with coffee.

 _“Oh god I love you”_ You said taking the cup from him

_“I bought Dean a few different types of pie”_

You removed the cup from your lips “ _What happened?”_

Cas pulled into the garage of the bunker. You mind kept thinking about the boys. They were so happy their mom was back. Especially Dean. She was always this golden light in his life.

Lucky, Cas had bought him a few different types of pie for him to stuff his face with

“IL just take the pie straight to him. “You said walking down the hall with Cas, He nodded and went to find Sam

You approached your bedroom. You could hear him moving around inside  You decided to knock before entering

“ _I said I was fine Sam”_ He yelled opening the door

 _“Not Sam, but I do let you touch my boobs”_ You said smiling at him still a little drunk

 _“Hilarious”_ He said with a straight face before turning and sifting through a pile of clothes on the bed

 _“What cha doing?”_ You asked closing the door behind you

 _“Cleaning”_ He said over his shoulder

 _“Since when do you clean Mr_ ” You said sitting down on the bed in front on him

 _“Since you left with Cas, someone has to keep this place clean”_ He snapped

 _“Wow, chill, here”_ You handed him the bag filled with pie. Dean took one look in it before putting it down on the desk

 _“Not hungry”  
“Since when, your always hungry for pie” _ You asked folding your legs  
_“Y/n, don’t I’m fine really, just need to put these clothes away and get some sleep, im tired_ ” he said trying to fold a top wrong

“ _Here”_ You grabbed it from him correcting his folds.

Dean sat on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair.  

 _“promise I won’t talk about it, if you promise not to be a cranky pants_ ” You said putting the folded clothes in the draw

 _“I’m just tried”_ Dean said kicking his shoes off before standing up to take his jeans off

 _“I’m not”_ You leaned over the bed and slapped his ass

“You're drunk” He said pulling off his top

 _“To bad I don’t have a couple dollar bills on me”_ You said leaning back on the bed

He just grabbed his clothes and threw them into a pile

 _“Come on not even a small smile”_ You pouted

Dean climbed into bed.

 _“I’m tired princess, we can play tomorrow”_ He said rolling over his back towards you

You changed into your Pj’s, one of Deans old tops and a pair of shorts that he loved on you and climbed into bed  
_“D…”_ You whispered into his ear

He wafted his hand at you

 _“Gosh your breath smells like a brewery_ ” He said pulling the blanket over his shoulders  
_“DEEEEEE”_ You said louder sneaking a hand under the blanket and running it up his bare back. He shifted around, you knew you were winning him over

 _“Princess, stop_ ”

You moved your hand to his front running it up his chest making small circles with your finger over his tattoo

Dean let out a sigh before sitting up and ripping the covers off _. “I’m going to sleep in the guest bedroom”_

 _“Dean wait”_ You garbed him around the ribs, wrapping your arms and legs around him so he couldn’t get up

 _“Just cuddles then, I promise I will keep my hands to myself”_ You dug your head into his back

Dean sighed and patted your knee letting you know he agreed. You rolled over letting him wrap his arms around your waist pulling your back tightly against him. You managed to twist your legs in his. He dug his face into your neck.

 _“I never thought I would have to beg for you to touch me Winchester”_  
_“Oh, trust me you’ve begged plenty of times”_ He smirked

You squeezed his arm playfully before lifting a hand behind you moving it though his hair, he always fell asleep faster when you played with is hair. It would lull him to sleep and like magic within a few minutes his breathing became soft and his body relaxed. you knew he was asleep.  You continued to play with his hair, just wanting him to get a good night’s sleep.

You weren’t tired, you couldn’t fall asleep. Your conversation with Cas running through your mind. Hunting had changed you, all of you. All the death and pain. Sure, there were small moments of bliss, like this one, having Dean wrapped with you. His breath pressing lightly too your neck. It was home, Safety.

There was a time you didn’t know what you would do if you lost him. But you learned the hard way how Deans absence affected you, the worst was when he died in your arms after Metatron Stabbed him. You clung to him in the impala. Not wanting to let him go. When you arrived back at the bunker it took Sam almost an hour to talk you into letting him go. You just kept running your hand though his hair. Kissing him saying you were sorry. That you loved him. After his body went missing you lost it.

Sam had never seen you so dark, it scared him. You stole the demon blade and a car and left the bunker it took him weeks to find you and when he did there wasn’t much left. It was like when Dean died you died to, you were a shell of who you once were.

A couple days later you dropped off the radar, Cas set out to find you, bring you home, He never told Sam where he found you. But you were a wreck. You locked yourself away for two weeks and didn’t speak to him.

It wasn’t till he showed you the video of Dean killing that guy in the gas station that everything changed and you got your drive back, you became obsessed just like him, to find whatever was wearing Dean. Thats what scared Sam when Dean told him about his plan for Amara. He was scared you would change back into that cold angry shell. 

Slowly you drifted off to sleep to the sound of Dean breathing. His chest rising and falling helping to lull you off. Away from all these thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

It had been months nearly a year, since you had this nightmare. No nightmare was the wrong word. This had actually happened to you. Over and over. You were reliving it. And as much as you wanted to take comfort from your Winchesters you couldn’t. It would ruin them. They would blame themselves. They would look at you differently.

It always starts the same You wake up. The cold wet floor, stinging your face. Your entire body aches. You can never remember if it was from the cold, constantly being damp and not being able to gather any warmth. Or the pain was from the countless beatings and torture both mentally and physically.

You were thirstily but every time you tried to get any water, from the dripping ceiling or the floor it was like it disappeared as fast as It appeared.

Time worked differently down here you had been here for weeks, you had to be in hell there was no other explanation the smells, the screams hat echoed through your cell. You couldn’t even call it that it was an empty room. No windows. Just cold concert that was covered in in mould. Sam would have found you by now. Unless he was… dea.. you shook that thought away. No Sam would never he was invincible

The familiar sound of footsteps echoed down the hall. Here he comes. You tried to pull yourself up but you had no strength. You were spent Dean was dead, his body missing, Sam was god knows where and Cas was slowly dying his stolen grace klling him. You couldn’t even move your finger to save your life. You closed your eyes waiting for the impeding beating

The door slid open

 _“Get up”_ The demon yelled

You tried to speak , but your throat was to dry. You couldn’t grunt nothing you just laid there, eyes closed

 _“Get the fuck up_ ” He yelled gripping your arm tight attempting to pull you to your feet. You were limp. as good as a piece of meat in his hands

“ _On your feet woman_ “He screamed in your ear

You tried, desperately but your feet had so sense of movement when you thought you had them firmly on the ground they slid out from underneath you

_“Fine I’ll drag your ass”_

He griped you by your hair pulling you down the old hall. You would scream if you could

And then you were there. The room. It was a room with a single metal table in the middle. Like the ones you would see on hunts in the morgues. You never really thought much of them. Now you whimpered at the site of it.

He threw you into the table hard. You defiantly crack a rib or two on contact.

 _“Thank you Clyde_ ” A man said from the corner. You knew who it was, the same person who did this to you every few days

The demon left you and the man. You clung to the table trying to hide the intense pain you were in.

 _“Well love shall we begin_ ” Crowley said emerging from the corner. He had his white apron around him waist and a knife in the other.

“ _Sam’s going to find me_ ” You managed to choke out

“ _You’ve been saying that for weeks_ ” He said coming forward grabbing you

==

You shot up. Dean was shaking you awake in the back of the impala. Yelling your name

 _“What, what_ ” You yelled back

He had pulled over on the side of a road. Sam was looking at you from the front seat. His face full or worry. Dean looked like he was having a mini panic attack himself

 _“We couldn’t wake you” H_ e said his hand firmly on your shoulder

 _“Sorry_ ” You said looking at Sam and then back at Dean

 _“You scared us”_ He said tension still in his face

You cupped a hand over his cheek “ _Fighting Hitler gave me nasty, natzi nightmare thats all"_  
Dean relaxed and gave you a small smile _“Luckily I killed him then”_ He said grinning ear to ear

Sam chuckled and hit him on the back

 _“You good?”_ Dean asked his eyes clung to yours one last time as he climbed out of the back seat   
_“Really, I’m good_ ” You said smiling up at him

He closed your door and headed back to the driver side. Sam gave you a look that pretty much meant we will talk about this later. You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and tried to hide from his gaze.

Dean made himself comfortable back in the front and turned the impala back onto the road

 _“How long till Jodie’s”_ You asked rubbing your eyes

 _“About another 20_ ” Dean said smiling at you through the rear-view mirror

 _“Great_ ” You said stretching out. You could still feel Sam’s gaze on you. You pretended to accidently hit him in the head. But you did it on purpose

 _“Ow Y/N_ ” He said rubbing the back of his head

 _“Oh my, so sorry Samantha”_ You said smoothing the back of his hair

Dean choked on a laugh

=

Finally Dean pulled into Jodie’s drive after 20 minutes of you awkwardly trying to not let the boys know something was bugging you. And what your dream was really about. You just didn’t get it. It had been months. Since you had nightmares. It must have had something to do with begin so close to Crowley again. It just set you back. Bringing everything you had tried to hide back to the surface. You just hoped you could smother it before your boys figured out something was wrong.

Jodie opened the door a huge smile across her face _“BOYS_ ” She hugged them she couldn’t see you behind the two big hunters once they were inside she caught site of you _“And my girl_ ” She said pulling you in for a big hug. You cling to her a little longer than needed, Jodie was like the mother you never had. And other than the boys your last connection to Bobby

 _“We were in town thought we would stop in say hey, to you and the girls”_ Sam said making himself at home on Jodie’s sofa

_“Oh that’s nice, the girls are in Omaha for the weekend’_

“ _Oh that sucks”_ You said coming around her instinctively wrapping your hand around Deans arm.

Jodie smiled, the last time she saw the two of you, you couldn’t stand saying Deans name. let alone cling to him.

 _“Oh since the last time we saw you”_ Dean started a huge smile on his face

 _“Oh god here he goes_ “You said giving her an apologetic smile

 _“I killed Hitler_ ” Dean finished a proud smile on his face

 _“Um…. thank you “_ Jodie said confused   
_“You are very welcome_ ” He said turning squeezing your hand before sitting down next to his brother

 _“Just smile and nod, that’s what I do”_ You said smiling down at your special idiot

 _“Let’s order some pizza”_ Jodie said gesturing for you to follow her to the kitchen.

You slid into a seat on the table and Jodie handed you the pizza menus, before grabbing the phone and sitting across from you

“ _You two seem good”_ She said looking at you then Dean stretched out on the couch watching TV

You followed her gaze smiling “ _Yeah we’re good, really good actually_ ” You continued to smile looking back at her

 _“You look tired sweetheart”_ She said tilting her head as if it helps her study you

 _“Yeah sleeping in the impala with two snoring giants does that”_ You tried to joke

 _“Is that really it”  
“Yeah, really just need to sleep without Deans knees in my side”_ You laughed

 _“Okay sweetheart”_ Jodie said grabbing your hand squeezing it lightly letting you know she was here for you

 _“Ordered pizza yet, The Hitler slayer is hungry_ ” Dean said walked in slitting in the seat next to you

 _“Really?”_ You said you said razing your eyebrows at your dork of a hunter

“ _Smile and nod”_ Jodie said handing you the phone to order the pizza

Dean draped his arm over the back of your seat and leaned in to get a better look at the menu

 _“Please, for my sake never refer to yourself as Hitler slayer again_ ” You said swiping his hand away from the menu

 _“You just wait, I’ll have you screaming it when we get home”_ Dean said playfully kissing you

You and Deans giggles caught Sam and Jodie’s attention. They glanced at each other then smiled. Glad that the two of you were finally happy again. Sam happier than anything. You and Dean like that was his normal. For as long as he can remember you and Dean laughing like that was something that he associated with happiness. And normalcy. You two had been bickering and fighting for a long time. Since Dean got the mark of Cain, finally things started to slide back into a normal comfortable pace. And Sam was loving it.


	12. Chapter 12

You were sitting with Twins Max and Alicia, they were nice. They had been raised by a witch and were hunters themselves.

 _“So how did you know Asa”_ A tall lanky man said handing you a beer, you vagally recall him introducing himself as Elvis. He was really interested in everything Max and Alicia had to say, the conversation had now landed on you.

 _“Oh I didn’t a friend of mine did, Jodie Mills”_ You said taking the beer from him. Quickly surveying the room. You had never seen so many hunters before. Perhaps in the road house but that was years ago.

 _“Oh no shit, so how do you know Jodie”_ Elvis said crossing his arms probably more engaged in the conversation than you

 _“Jodie and my uncle kind of had this thing, and I guess she just couldn’t shake me and the boys”_ You said popping the cap off the beer

 _“Boys?”_ Max said confused

 _“Sam and Dean_ ” you said behind the tip of your beer bottle

 _“Wait not Sam and Dean Winchester_ ” Elvis said practically leaping on you

 _“Yeah, Winchester”_ You said screwing you face up then taking a sip of your beer  
_“Holy cow, that makes you Y/N, Deans Y/N, you three are like legends”_ Elvis said lightly hitting Max on the shoulder  
_“Um what”_ You said choking on your beer

 _“You and Dean the whole power couple whose love can survive death itself, is it true that you two have been together since teenagers. If so wow that’s amazing, most hunting relationships last a few years’ max…What’s your secret, some kind of spell”_ He said stepping close as if you were some celebrity and he was a raging fan

 _“Ah, yeah kind of, and no spell we just, know how to keep trying, we really aren’t that special”_ You wiped the split beer off your chin

 _“Is the sex goo_ d” Alicia said talking over you

“ _Um, what_ ” You were no doubt feeling awkward

 _“I dated this hunter once, not as long as you and Dean, but whenever we would get back from hunts we would have the most intense Sex I’ve ever had”_  

 _“Well…ummm”_ You felt like a kid in health class all over again

 _“Can I speak to you”_ Dean said coming up behind you,

 _“God yes_ ” You said leaping up from the chair, thankful he was saving you from this conversation. No doubt you could brag, tell a few stories about the most amazing night you and Dean had spent together wrapped up in your own little bubble, but these hunters already had enough stories of the two of you, you didn't want to fuel the fire. 

 _“Is this Dean?”_  Elvis asked his eyes almost popping out his head

 _“Yeah, and you are?”_ Dean asked, He had this look on his face you knew he didn’t care he was being polite.

 _“Oh I’m…Elvis”  
“Hey there you are “_ Sam said joining the conversation

 _“Wow, they are gorgeous_ ” Alicia said eyeing your Winchesters up

“And he is single” You said pushing Sam into the circle of hunters

 _“Holy shit, this is Sam”_ Elvis said placing a hand on Sam’s chest

 _“You and Sammy chat”_ Dean said slapping Sam on the back winking at his brother as he dragged you into a bathroom

“Nice chatting” You waved as you rounded the corner

=

 _“Dean, I don’t think now is the right time for a quickie”_ You said as he pushed you through the door

 _“Not like we haven’t done it before”_ A smirked at you over his shoulder as he locked the door _“So these people like… “His_ voice trailed off  
_“Think we are some kind of legends”_ You said taking a sip of the beer still in your hand

“Yeah…” Dean turned scratching the back of his head  
_“Is that why you pulled me in here?”_  
_“That and I couldn’t breathe… oh don’t say Wendigo”_ Dean said snatching the beer from you __  
“It’s kind of nice”  
“What is” He said raising the beer to his lips  
“That these hunters think so highly of us, Chuck knows we need the confidence boost”  
“Chuck really??” He said trying not to choke on the beer

 _“You got to admit someone other than me or Sam saying, good job feels good… right?”_  
“yeah, although I like it when you complement me a lot more”  
“Shut up” You snatched the beer back off him  
A loud knock on the door startled you

 _“Get your ass's out here now_ ” Sam said obviously not enjoying the attention

 _“Better go Save your brother”_ You handed your boyfriend the last of the beer. You reached the door handle when you realized he wasn’t following _“Coming?”_  
_“In a sec”_ He smiled at you  
You opened the door to find Sam with a less than impressed expression _“Help_ ”

“ _Come on Sammy_ ” You smiled back at Dean before saving Sam from his adoring fan.

 _“What’s the grumpy look for”_ You said strolling up the halls with Sam close behind you, looking at all the old photos that decorated them. It was nice, Ava was a hunter but he had a house, you and the boys had the bunker, but something about owning your own home was something you always wanted.  
_“I just… these people tell stories about us you know that, right?”_ Sam said hitting your shoulder to get your attention. He had noticed you spaced out a lot lately. Not really taking in conversations and sometimes ignoring them completely.  
“ _Yeah I know, me and Dean are apparently a power couple whose undying love can conquer death”_ You imitated Elvis  
_“Right_ ” Sam said holding back a chuckle  
_“I know_ ” you said rolling your eyes as you entered a room that looked similar to the state your hotel rooms were in on the road. Weapons and books spread out over the desk. A pin board with news clippings and maps along the wall. A particular box caught your eye, it had a glass lid, displaying a very familiar blade  
_“You think this is real”_ You said tapping the glass  

Sam leaned over your shoulder _“Angel blade, most likely. A lot of angels have died the past few years”_  
_“Don’t remind me”_ The image of Sam in that church, or lying in that hospital back when you and the boys were trying to close the gates of hell.

 _“So you don’t find it weird”_ Sam said leaning against the window frame  
_“No, why we heard stories of hunters growing up, it’s not that hard to believe that you guys are the center of some of those, I mean you did stop the apocalypse”_ You found the pin board and looked over the clippings _  
“Not alone, you were a huge part of that”_

You barely heard him just as easily as you remembered the church and the angels falling, you remembered who else was there, Crowley, and you mind snapped back to your weeks in hell.  
_“Y/n?”_ Sam said stepping away from the window. Your back was to him  
you grumbled in acknowledgment

 _“Are you okay?”  
“Peachy”_ Shit I should not have said that. You squeezed your eyes closed hopping he hadn’t noticed

 _“Peachy, Now I know you’re lying”  
_ “I say Peachy” You said turning and leaning against the shelf  
_“Yeah you and Dean say Peachy. When really you’re not”_ He crossed, his arms leaning against the desk across from you  
_“Just over whelmed”_ you tried to bullshit your way out of this  
_“That makes two of us”_ Dean said walking into the room  
You sighed grateful he had saved you from Sam’s third degree

 _“Wow”_ Dean sad studying the room, He walked around before his eye caught the angel blade

 _“Real angel blade “You_ mouthed as he picked it up

 _“So, where’s your big fan Sammy”_ Dean said placing the angel blade back in the box

“Shut it. You two honestly don’t find it odd people tell stories about us?”  
you and Dean glanced at each other than shrugged “Nah” Dean walked over to you, studying the pin board behind your head

“ _Yeah well Asa had all these stories about him and look he ended up hanging from a tree in the woods “_ Sam said a hint of attitude in his voice  
_“He died on the job_ ” Dean said rolling his eyes , Sam couldn’t see _“No better way to go_ ” Dean turned and leaned on the same shelf as you

 _“You really believe that”_ Sam said his eyes on you

 _“Yeah, you don’t?” Dean responded._ You looked up at Dean, he had a straight face. You knew he meant it. He always thought that’s how he would die and that’s how he had a few times. Wishing for anything else was a luxury he couldn’t afford. Having you was the only “normal” thing he allowed himself to have.

Sam looked to his brother. He didn’t believe that was for him. He didn’t want to die on the job, he wanted to die old. Or at least older, in a bed, perhaps with children. Or grand children

 _“Come on Sam it’s not like we are in the live till your 90 die in your sleep business”_ Dean pushed off the shelf, standing tall to make his point

 _“This_ ” He said gesturing at the wall covered in newspaper clippings and pin tacks _“This only ends one way”_ As he finished that sentence you could feel Dean looking at you. _“We should get back”_ Sam said glancing at you before walking out the door

 _“Come on princess_ ” Dean said following his brother. You reached out and grabbed his arm. You don’t know why. It was almost a reflex, whenever Dean said something that belittled himself. Made him seem useless, not worth anything. You would grab for him. Reaching for any part of him. His shoulder, arm, face, hand anything to let him know he meant something to you.

 _“We don’t have to end up that way”_ You said looking at your hand barely wrapping around Deans toned arm.

_“What way?”_

_“We don’t have to… die, I mean we will one day but”_ The words got caught in your throat, you never allowed yourself to think of a future with Dean. You never thought what would happen if you allowed yourself to have more, hell you never thought you would live to this point. But being around all these hunters, around people who thought so highly of you, the night with Jodie being so normal. You couldn’t help but drift off, letting the thought of something more drift into your thoughts

Deans voice was soft; he didn’t want to fight. Whenever the topic of dying was bought up it would always end in the two of you fighting and bickering for at least a few days. _“Y/n, this is an old fight I don’t want to”  
“I Don’t want to fight Dean_ ” You said interrupting him _“I just want to say. There is another option. For us, I know it’s hard to walk away from all of this. but it’s always there if you want to take it.”_

Deans expression was soft; He knew exactly what you meant. Getting out of the hunting life, he could never do that, he had tried, you both had. It never worked

A cheering came from down the hall that distracted Dean from what he was about to say.

 _“Sounds like someone said wendigo… Come on”_ He said tucking the hair behind one of your ears.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

You couldn’t help but laugh at Dean trying and horribly failing to dig himself out of the hole he was in

 _“I’m glad you enjoy your sweet time alone”_ he said tripping over his words baffled by the fact Jodie dates

 _“Sweetie stop_ ” Jodie’s said winking at him shifting around awkwardly  

 _“No one said you can’t date right_ ” He said before looking at you sitting on the arm of the chair next to him, mouthing “ _Help me_ ” You shrugged “ _Your mess Hun”_ You mouthed back

Asa’s mother leaned forward in her seat _“Come in don’t hover”_ She said speaking over the top of everyone causing them to turn.

 _“Sorry I knocked the door was open”_ Mary said awkwardly putting her hands in her pockets, Deans hand reached for yours.

 _“Hey”_ He said his grip tight around your hand

=

Dean was practically dragging you with him, his grip starting to hurt

 _“What are you guys doing here_?”  Mary said walking away from the group

Jodie followed when you shot her a help me look, she glanced at Deans tight grip and nodded following you, Sam, Dean and Mary into the hall

 _“What are you doing here?”_ Dean said looking at his mother like she had asked him a stupid question

 _“Ah Dean”_ You said trying to pry his hand from yours

 _“Asa was a friend of a friends, Jodie”_ Sam said pointing at Jodie who smiled as she entered the conversation “ _Jodie, mom_ ” Sam said pointing between them

Dean ran his spare hand over his jaw, you could tell he was agitated, “ _Dean_ ” You whispered again trying to loosen his grip, he finally looked at you and realized how hard his grip was.

 _“Shit sorry”_ He said slowly loosening, you didn’t let him drop your hand, he held you gently an apologetic look on his face as you both turned to see Jodie hugging Mary

 _“It is so nice to meet you”_ She squealed, then she glanced at you and the boys, their expressions obviously telling her they needed to talk with their mother

“ _I’m just, going to give you some family time”_ Jodie gestured back at the lounge, when you went to follow her Dean pulled you back

 _“Nope stay_ ” Dean said looking at his mother, last time she left he didn’t have you. This time when she told him some story that made him feel like crap he was going to have his safety blanket there

 _“You sure?”_ You looked at him and then Sam

They both nodded

 _“Where have you been?”_ Dean asked. The expression on his face was one you had received many times before, when you would go off and do things behind his back he would give you that look, knowing very well you were going to tell him a story that was full of lies and he was just waiting , so he could call you out. Something that happened a lot when you and Sam were trying to find a cure for the mark behind his back.

 _“All over I went back to Laurence for a few days, and then using Johns journal to retrace a few things trying to catch up on what I’ve missed”_ Mary smiled back at the three of you, Sam returned the smile but Dean ran his tongue over his bottom lip. You squeezed his hand, hoping he understood, hoping he realized you were telling him not to say something he would regret. He quickly looked at you before answering his mother

 _“You could have just asked us”  
“Dean, come on_ ” Sam said sticking up from Mary, Dean didn’t like that.

 _“She could of”_ He shrugged at his brother

 _“It’s okay he is right but…”_ Mary said looking at her sons  
Dean looked at her side ways waiting for a good enough answer

 _“This is something I needed to do alone_ , _listen most of the people I knew are dead, and then I remembered Asa ……”_

Your attention moved away from Mary to Dean, you could tell he was hurting, you imagined he looked like this, probably worse when she first told him she was leaving. Dean had been fighting with himself for weeks, blaming himself. But now it was like he was the parent and Mary was the child trying to justify her actions.

“ _So you will text us once a week, maybe… but you will drive all the way to Canada to see some dead guy?”_ He looked down at you, his eyes catching yours “MHH, that’s awesome…I’m going to get some air” He dropped your hand “ _Y/N stay listen to this, I can’t anymore”_ You nodded as he walked off.

 _“Dean wait_ ” Mary went to follow him but was stopped with your hand on her shoulder _“Trust me, let him go”_

Mary looked behind you at Dean and Jodie _talking “Mary, you don’t want to push him trust me I’ve done it”_

_=_

You waited a few minutes before following Dean outside, finding him leaning against the impala

 _“You holding out on me Winchester_ ” You said walking around him, snatching the flask from his hands. You took a sniff of the liquor in the flask before screwing your nose up and handing it back to him

 _“What you love whiskey”_ he said faking a smile as he took it from you

 _“Yeah that smells like death in a tin”_ You turned and leaned into him, your back against his chest

 _“You didn’t need to check up on me”_ He said before lifting the flask to his lips

_“Oh I’m not, trust me”_

_“Right, so what did she say”_ A hint of left over anger in his voice  
_“Nothing really, Sam went off with her… Look Dean”_

 _“Oh no I know that tone don’t”_ He knew exactly what you were about to say; you would tell him to take his head out of his ass. Try resolve the problems between them, you did this countless times. Getting in-between fights with him and Sam.  
_“Look I’m not taking sides or anything”_ You turned and faced him  
“ _That’s what you say when you take someone’s side”_ Dean crossed his arms  
_“No hey listen you idjit, don’t you just a little, tiny bit understand where she’s coming from, I mean what about when you were in purgatory for a year, remember how long it took you and Sam to gel back together, for you to catch up with everything”_  
_“Yeah but I didn’t run away_ ”  
_“You kind of ran from me”  
“I didn’t”_ Dean scoffed  
_“Not coming to find me, is the same thing as running”_ it was your turn to fold your arms  
_“I did come and find you”_  
_“After 2 weeks Dean”  
_ “ _Can we not fight please”_ Dean ran a hand through his hair

 _“I had no idea this was a fight”_  
_“Look Y/N, I made a promise to myself and to you”  
“Im listening” _ You stepped a little closer _  
“You come first, everything else is second, so I don’t want to listen to her tell me reasons why she doesn’t want to stay, cause the truth is I don’t care, you’re my first priority from now on everyone else’s shit is second”_ Dean looked at the ground he didn’t want to see your reaction _  
“Now baby, that’s a lie. I know you care. Otherwise why would you be so cranky”_ You turned his face and pulled him towards your lips “ _So I come first, do_ _I”_

Deans hands found your ass. “Now and always” A cheeky smirk spread across his lips

 _“Then come inside”_ You said pulling away slightly, teasing him, knowing he wanted nothing more than to kiss you right now

 _“Soon_ ” He said leaning in, you pulled away further _“Come inside”_

Dean groaned and leaned back against the impala.

 _“Come on Mr”_ You gave him a quick kiss on the cheek

You started walking back towards the door. You knew he wasn’t following, Opening the door you looked back at him one last time. He smiled, you returned the smile and headed in 

You walked back into the living room and sat next to Jodie

She leaned over and whispered to you “ _He okay?”_

 _“He’s Dean”_ You whispered back.

Sam and Mary barged into the room. Sam was freaking out “ _Guys we need to leave now”_ He ordered as he stormed in grabbing your hand

 _“Samuel what’s going on?”_ You asked as he pulled you from your seat

“Randy’s dead”

 _“What happened_ ” Alicia asked

“Someone gutted him and roped him to the ceiling that’s what happened” Mary answered

You and Sam made eye contact. You two could always speak to each other without words just like in the back of Toni’s car. Sam was giving you the prepare for anything look.

Elvis came around the corner “ _Anyone know why the waters shut off, god what’s that smell_ ”

Everyone answered at the same time “ _Sulfur”._ And like clockwork the lights flickered. A demon was in this house.

 _“Dean”_ you whispered, dropping Sam’s hand you ran for the door. But it was locked more than locked like glued shut, you tugged at it with all your strength and began flicking the locks nothing work. The rest of the group entered the foyer

 _“JL, He’s a cross roads Demon he hangs people it’s his thing, snaps their neck slits their throat. He’s a real piece of work_ ” Bucky said griping Asa’s mother hand

 _“Hanging like with Asa_ ” Sam said following close behind

 _“Yeah, he’s the one that killed him_ ”  
“It won’t open” You said fear in your voice

Bucky and Elvis tried the door pulling at it just like you had it opened slightly then slammed shut again.

“ _You’re wasting your time_ ” Max said stepping forward he raised his hand and symbols glowed above the door. “ _The whole house has been warded, inside and out”_

 _“What does that mean_ ” Jodie asked

“It means we are trapped “


	14. Chapter 14

Dean knew every little inch of you. The way you smell, talk, breathe, he even memorized the sound of your foot steps and the person approaching him, was not you.

 _“Go away”_ He said coldly

 _“You’re not the boss of me”_ A familiar voice said

_“Billy… What are you doing here?”_

_“Job”  
“HA, well I’m not dead yet”_

_“Shame but actually I just finished inside, I was reaping a fresh soul”_

It took Dean a second, he thought she was talking about Asa but he had been dead for a few days. Then panic hit him. Y/N

Dean pushed past Billy and marched straight for the door. Before he reached the handle, he yelled your name tugging at the handle he yelled for his brother. Still no answer and the door was wedged shut

 _“Y/N. Baby can you hear me… Sammy”_ He yelled hitting the door

_“You can huff and puff all you like but that house is on supernatural lock down, they can’t even hear you”_

Dean began kicking the door, running into it with his shoulder, nothing was working. He even attempted throwing a statue at the door, not even a scratch

\--

Bucky had just finished explain the beef between this demon and Asa. It was a personal grudge and with Asa dead it looked like this JL was going to pick the hunters off one by one

 _“So it’s in the house possessing someone”_ Sam said glancing around the circle of hunters. You followed his gaze, your eyes landed on Elvis his once smiley giddy face was now in a scowl and he was eyeing everyone in the room

 _“Alicia wasn’t in the room when Randy died”_ Elvis said pointing at her. She didn’t like that _“I was getting a drink”_ She said defending herself

Max spoke up obviously trying to get the heat off his sister _“Dean wasn’t in the room either_ ”  
_“Deans outside”_ You said harshly stepping into the circle,

 _“So its Alicia or Dean”_ Bucky said ignoring you

 _“It can’t be Dean he is outside and we have anti possession Tattoos_ ” You pulled the sleeve of your top up revealing the tattoo to the group

Bucky and Elvis looked at your arm then back to Alicia _“I’m not, throw some holy water on me see what happens”_ She said throwing her hands up

The hunters began patting them self’s down looking for their flask of holy water “ _Anyone packing?”_ Sam asked

 _“We can just make more”_ Elvis suggested

 _“Ah, no we can’t water is off”_ Mary said instantly shitting him down.

\--

Dean gave the door one last kick still the door wouldn’t budge

 _“What did you do”_ He said turning and accusing Billy, who was enjoying watching him fail a little too much

 _“Wasn’t me, I don’t get my hands dirty, rules. I just clean up the mess… Still between us, it’s always nice to see a Winchester who can’t get what they want”_ A smirk across her face

Her attitude tipped Dean over the edge “ _You think this is funny, ha. Hunters a dying in there”_ He yelled inches from her face

_“Everyone dies” she shrugged_

 ===

You could feel the tension on the room rising, everyone was ganging up on Alicia and she was trying to defend herself. Suddenly she started laughing or choking,

Max walked forward trying to help his sister but she slapped him across the face and her eyes glowed red.

 _“Oh, you’re a fun group. We are going to have a good time tonight”_ the demon said before smoking out of her

 _“It’s gone”_ Elvis said

 _“No its not in Alicia any more, have you ever hunted a Demon before”_ You said stepping in-between the inexperienced hunter and Alicia

 _“Loraine in there anyone else in the house”_ Sam asked helping Alicia to her feet

 _“I don’t know people have been coming and going all day”_ The old woman said cowering behind a beam

Jodie took charge of the situation. _“Okay we are going to pair off, and search the house for people, not demons. You find a demon yell; we will find you and if your partner gets possessed. Run”_

Jodie and Bucky pairs up, Elvis and Loraine. Max and Alicia. Sam insisted you stay with him and Mary

==

 _“You… you got in to reap that soul, you can get me in”_ Dean demanded Billy

 _“I could, I suppose...’_  
_“Do it”_ Dean said yelled over the top of her

 _“But… it’s a one-way ticket and you’re going to owe me one”_  
_“Fine sure. whatever. Get me in”_

The door glowed bright and Billy took the satisfaction of pushing Dean through it. He landed on the other side with a hard thump, startling Loraine and Elvis.

Dean scrabbled to his feet. Puling the demon blade from his jacket

 _“Where's my brother and girl”_ He almost demanded from them

 _“He’s the demon_ “Loraine started screaming

 _“Wow easy lady, look I’m not a demon okay I’m one of the good guys. Now stick with me do what I say and everybody will get out of here, everybody_ ”

 _“Well… not everybody”_ Elvis said as his eyes began glowing a familiar red

==

You could hear Loraine’s screams you ran as fast as you could, leaving Sam and Mary behind.

You reached the top of the stairs at the bottom was Elvis, only you could hear someone chanting an exorcism. Quickly hurrying down the stairs, you saw your Dean, a smile spread across your face but it didn’t last long. Elvis threw his head to the side his head spun around, and left his face facing the back of his body, the demon smoked out a disappeared again

“I think I’m going to be sick” You said over Loraine’s cries.

Dean hated to admit it amongst all this fighting but he was on cloud nine right now. Watching you run down those stairs he picked you up in his arms and you wrapped our legs around his waist

 _“Thank god you’re okay”_ You said in-between kisses

 _“And you, Where’s Sam”_ Dean let you down

_“Coming he was behind me”_

You and Dean helped the screaming Loraine up and called for Sam

 _“Dean we thought you were outside”_ Mary said finding you and Dean

 _“Yeah I got back in_ ”  
_“How_ ” Sam asked

_“One time deal won’t happen again, is this everybody”_

_“Except for Elvis”  
“Yeah demon got him”_ As Dean pointed to Elvis lifeless body the lights went out. Every one pulled out some kind of light from their pockets

 _“Let’s light some candles”_ Bucky suggested

 _“And devil’s traps_ ” Dean added

Everyone went about their jobs. Moving furniture and lighting candles

 _“How are we going to lore it inside”_ Mary asked

 _“Where not, we get in, everybody’s clean. Someone won’t get in.’_ Dean said pushing a chair across the room

 _“They’re the demon_ ” Mary said finishing his sentence _“Smart”_

“Thanks “ Dean flashed you a small smile as he helped you move the sofa, it was like seeing a little kid get a pat on the back for getting his first A .

 _“Told you, you care”_ You said

“Shut up” He sassed back with smile   
 “Hey the angel blade” you remembered it up in one of Asa’s studies

“Il come with you” Dean insisted

_“No its fine I’ll take Jodie finish this”_

You and Jodie made your way upstairs she kept her distance from you and she felt a little off. You had a gut feeling she was possessed when you grabbed the angel blade she tried to take it off you.

 _“It’s okay Jodie, I got it”_ You hid the blade behind your back _  
“No Hun give it here”_ She said aggressively __  
“I’ve used one of these before I should use it”

“ _Give it to me”_ Jodie leaped at you pushing you to the ground. You hit your head hard and were dazed. You tried to scream but nothing came out. Jodie leaped on top of you grabbing the demon blade. Her eye caught site of your possession tattoo. The sleeve still rolled up from showing everyone earlier

 _“This is going to be fun_ ” She grabbed your arm and a hot burning sensation radiated were your tattoo should be. This time you did scream, but your mouth filled with black smoke.

Mary charged in pushing Jodie off you. She didn’t see the demon jump from her to you.

 _“Mary it’s her she’s the Demon_ ” You yelled pulling your sleeve down.

Mary grabbed the Angel blade that had rolled on the floor from the fight

“It’s not Mary it’s in Y/N” Jodie said

“She’s lying, you saw her on top of me”

“Both of you, down stairs now” Mary ordered.

Entering the living room again. Dean noticed his mother holding the knife to the two of you

 _“What are you doing_ ” He yelled stepping in-between you and his mother

 _“It in one of them”  
“Not Y/N, she had the tattoo”_ Dean said defending you

 _“Dean listen it’s in Y/N”_ Jodie begged. She didn’t want you getting hurt. She knew the longer the demon was in you the more of a risk it was it would kill you.

 _“Dean, baby you know it can’t be in me_ ” You said grabbing his arm  
Dean could tell instantly just how he knew Billy wasn’t you by the sound of her footsteps. The ton of your voice. The way you said baby.

 _“Y/N, roll up your sleeve_ ” he said trying to stay calm.    
_“Dean, what the hell”_ you yelled stepping back   
_“Y/N, I won’t ask you again”_  
“I can’t believe you don’t trust me, after everything”  
Dean looked down at your top. He could see a dam stop right where your tattoo should be.  With a quick signal to his brother. Sam began creeping forward.

 _“Dean please_ ” You said this time tears in your eyes. Dean pushed back the guilt he was feeling, you were possessed. This wasn’t you.

You heard the floor board creek behind you, spinning around you raised a hand and sent Sam flying into the wall. Dean next. Mary came at you with the angel blade cutting your arm.

Sam grabbed his mother pulling her away. “ _NO, that’s Y/N_ “  
_“What are you doing she’s a demon. We kill demons”_ Mary yelled struggling against her sons hold  
Dean was frozen. The words of the exorcism far from his mind.

With a clap of your hands everyone fell to the ground and couldn’t get up.

 _“Ahh, I had thought the great Winchesters would be more of a fight. Everyone in hell is always so afraid of you, and well this little puppet here had her fun in hell, didn’t she Dean”  
“What are you talking about” _ Dean spat _  
“HAHA, that’s right you were a demon, during her little stay in Crowley’s slaughter house”_  
_“You’re lying”_

 _“I’m not Hun. I’ve been in everyone’s heads. I know everything. For example, the twins, too frightened to tell everyone they came to say goodbye to their daddy… or the grieving mother who hated the fact her son was a hunter so much she would hide his gear she would sabotage his jeep anything to keep him from hunting. Not that it worked could have tried harder ha. And Jodie the woman who actually fantasied about a life with Asa”  
_ Bucky was starting to stand fighting the demon inside you’s pull. He ran to stop you “ _Shut your filthy mouth”  
“And you_ ” you started grabbing Bucky but the throat _“Brave, brave Bucky I was there that night. Tell these nice stupid people what you did, tell them what you took from me. Asa was mine”_

Sam began the exorcism, only getting a few words out before you flung him into the wall, Dean was next, you waved your arm throwing him though a glass door. Then the twins.

You tightened your grip painfully digging into Bucky’s skull with your finger nails.

 _“I killed him. I killed Asa_ ” Bucky confessed

You threw him to the ground.

Mary finished the exorcism. the demon smoked out and a burning spread through your throat. The demon was sent back to hell.

You fell to the ground gasping for air.

 _‘Y/N, hey you okay_ ” Sam said running to your side

 _“I’m good”_ You said rubbing your throat

He hugged you briefly. You caught sight of Dean, he was looking at you. Glossy eyed and full of relief but a hint of anger was on his face. And you knew it was because of what the demon had said to him.

 _“Bucky what did you do”_ Asa’s mother said and you all remembered what he had just confessed

He started telling the story of how Asa died. Them running through the woods. The argument and the Deadly shove that cost Asa his life

 _“So you thought people would buy that JL killed him”_ Dean yelled _“So you hung your best friend to cover your own ass”_

Bucky nodded and looked at the ground trying to avoid everyone’s gaze _“What are you going to do to me?”_

 _“Tell everyone”_ Alicia said getting to her feet _“Every hunter we meet, they’re all going to know your name Bucky”  
“you like story’s this is the story everyone is going to tell about you, forever”_ Her brother said

You turned to Dean, he was still steering at Bucky a look on his face that could kill.

\--

After Bucky left, you burned the bodies of Asa, Elvis and Randy, Dean hadn’t said a word to you, he kept stealing glances what he thought you weren’t looking.  And even let Sam clean up your wounds he never did that.

 You all watched the bodies burn like countless times before, you stood in-between Sam ad Dean leaning against the trunk of the impala. You managed to catch Sam’s eyes he gave you a quick smile before Dean slapped his arm. Mary was alone and they went to check on her. This time you hanged back and slipped into the back seat of the impala.

A light tap on the door startled you “ _Only me sweetie”_ Jodie said smiling at you. You smiled back trying to hide how upset you were.

 _“How you doing_?” She asked gesturing to your burnt and cut arm

 _“Fine, Cas is going to heal me when we get back to the bunker_ ” You rubbed a spot just above the burn where your tattoo once was

 _“And how are you really doing?”_ She placed a hand on your shoulder

 _“fine, that stuff the demon said. Its old new really. I’m over it_ ” You pushed her arm away

_“Now I know that’s a lie, have you told anyone about what happened”_

A tear fell from your eye; you shook your head and wiped it away.

 _“Oh honey_ ” Jodie pulled you in to a bear hug, she squeezed you tight. You loved these hugs. It made all your troubles go away, it was the closest to having a mother.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh I dont know how i feel about this chapter.. any way here it is.

Dean had successfully been ignoring you for 24 hours. Apart from the odd, excuse me or grunt here and there he had barely spoken to you. And he waited till you were asleep before coming to bed. You thought he was mad at you but really he was mad at himself. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t figured this out. It was like all the pieces of a puzzle fell together. That night he watched you sleep. Running though the past year.

The way you distanced yourself when he first came back.

 The fear in your eyes when you found him as a demon with Crowley.

 He thought you were afraid of him but it was Crowley.

The pure fire and hatred you had for the king of hell.

The way you used to flinch at the sound of his name, or disappear when ever they had to get involved with Crowley.

 Most of all he hated that fact that he had his hands on you, hurting you and he did nothing to stop it.

He got barely any sleep that night.

=

You woke up to an empty bed, you didn’t know what you expected. You knew he wouldn’t be there but a small part of you wished he was. Throwing the covers off. You wrapped a dressing gown around yourself and made your way to the kitchen. Dean had his back to you. He was cooking bacon and eggs. Biting the bullet, you decided you weren’t going to walk on egg shells around him anymore. Grabbing the pot off coffee you poured the two of you a cup and tapped him lightly on the shoulder

 _“Coffee?_ ” You asked

Dean nodded taking the mug from you.

 _“Hungry?”_ He asked you nodded, taking a seat on the bench next to him watching him, awkwardly trying not to look up at you.

_“Did you come to bed last night?”_

_“Yeah, late. I tried not to wake you”_ Dean said not taking his eyes off the pan

 _“Look Dean can we “_  
“Y/n… ” Dean sighed

 _“I know you’re mad at me”_  
_“I’m not”_ He was still looking down at the pan __  
“Then why are you icing me”  
“I just… I can’t” Dean turned the stove off, he gave you one last "dont" look before trying to walk away. You grabbed his arm

 _“No Dean, we aren’t doing this. I won’t let you do this anymore”_  
“ _Do what”_ he said spinning around to face you  
“ _When bad crap happens you faze people out, you blame yourself and kick me to the curb not any more. You said I come first. Then don’t do this Dean.”_ You pushed a finger into his chest _  
“I can’t Y/N”_ He wacked your finger away, before trying to leave again

 _“You can’t what Dean”_ you yelled at his back _  
“I can’t. This is just another thing to add to the long list of horrible thing that have happened to you because of me”_ He yelled matching your volume

 _“It’s not your fault”  
“Yes, it is Y/N” He_ turned to face you. You could see all the guilt and anger in his eyes. This is exactly why you didn’t want him to find out

 _“No Dean it’s not_ ” You placed your hands-on Deans face forcing him to look at you

 _“Every time I look at you I just keep playing horrible scenarios over and over in my head, Y/N I was tortured in hell. I even did some of the torturing, I know what it does to people, and to think you thought you couldn’t tell me, for over a year”_  
_“I didn’t want this. You and Sam, you always blame yourselves. It was me I was the idiot in this I got myself in that situation”  
“Why didn’t you tell me”  
“You had other things going on. I managed, I got over it”  
“Obviously not. You’re having nightmares”  
“Not about...”  
“Don’t you dare lie to me” _ Deans face hardened __  
“yeah fine. Okay I’m having nightmares I don’t know why. I thought I was over it.  Guess being so close to Crowley, all the Lucifer stuff just brought back old memories that’s all” You folded your arms, Deans sudden change in appearance, his hardened expression suddenly made you feel vulnerable

_  
“Why are you acting like this is just some small thing, you were kept for 2 weeks that’s I can’t even begin to imagine how long it was in hell. Why don’t you blame me, hate me? Heck I would.”_

_“Dean stop”_ You pleaded tears formed in your eyes and with every word he took a step closer

_“You were tortured y/n while I was partying up. Getting drunk. Screwing chicks. Freaken karaoke with the same man who held that blade, the blade that cut you and carved you”_

_“Dean stop it_ ” you yelled slapping him across the face you covered your mouth with both your hands. You couldn’t believe you just hit him.  “Dean I’m... I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry”

You went to touch him but he grabbed both your hands _“Just, why. After everything, the mark, demon, Amara. Why are you still here”  
“Because I love you Dean Winchester. And to me that love. You. It’s all I need to keep me going”_

 _“and my crap keeps out weighing you down, we can’t keep doing this, you can’t keep putting me above yourself”  
“I don’t “_ You said fighting his grip

 _“You do, not telling me things, like Crowley or… your parents”_ His voice softened for the last part  
_“What about them”  
“I know they didn’t die in a car accident, I’ve knows since we were kids”_

 _“Why didn’t you say anything”  
“I think for the same reason you didn’t tell me, sparing the pain of old memories. Just please. Can we be equals from now on, no more putting the others needs higher than your own” _  Dean dropped your hands. Letting his words take effect __  
“I mean it, you’re my first, but I would also like to be your equal” he added before he wrapped his arms around your neck pulling you in tight. You managed to get your arms around his waist clinging to his top. Tears staining is shoulder

Dean wiped the wet hair, damp from tears off your face. _“How about some food”_ You smiled pulling him in for a kiss.   
Dean plated up the food and sat in the chair across from you. He rubbed the side of his face that you slapped, a visible red mark on his cheek

 _“Have you been working on your swing_ s” He said trying to lighten the mood

_“Sorry I really don’t know why I… I really didn’t”_

_“Hey, hey.”_ He said shushing you

Dean grabbed your hand and gave it a small squeeze “ _Hey, I shouldn’t have said those things … its fine. Handy to know how hard your hits are, next time I’ll dodge”_ He smiled at you. Replacing your hand with a fork he began stuffing his face.

After a few minutes Sam walked in. Obviously, he heard your argument with Dean and was pretending to be oblivious

 _“Hey guys_ ” He said a little to chipper before his morning coffee

The both of you smiled and continued to eat. Even though your eyes where down you could feel Dean watching you. Looking for any sign of damage, anything that said you weren’t okay. Unfortunately, he had already found it.

 A few days ago, really. At Asa’s when you snatched the flask off him. You said it smelt like “death in a tin”, it was your favourite whiskey. You sipped on one beer the entire time you were there. In the end giving him the last of it. And now you were pushing around your eggs, you loved his bacon and eggs.

Looking up from your plate you caught Deans eyes, he tied to look away before you noticed but he was to slow. This is exactly what you knew would happen. Him watching you. And you knew the babying and side-lining was going to happen it was only a matter of time.

==

**3 days later**

Deans phone rang saving him from Sam’s complaining, _“Hey Cas_ ”

 _“Hey speaker”_ Sam said pulling a seat out. Dean quickly glanced around the corner listening for any sign of you. _“She’s sleeping relax”_ Sam said reading his brothers mind

 _“You still road tripping with you know who_ ” Dean tried not to say his name, he would just get angry again.

 _“Unfortunately”_ Cas answered clearly not happy with the situation either

==

 _“Crap mid-day”_ You yelled throwing the covers off and quickly getting dressed. You could hear the boys discussing something as you approached but it was almost like they were whispering.

 _‘Dean its LA, not a trip to the next town, we can’t”_ Sam said annoyed   
“ _he’s going to be there Sam. I don’t want her near him”_ Dean said rubbing his temples

 _“That’s not your decision”  
_ “ _I know_ “Dean yelled back, matching his brothers tone

You new exactly who they were talking about, Crowley. Dean hadn’t asked you what exactly happened but he had an idea. And it made him sick. He hadn’t seen Crowley since it all came out and you knew when he did it would be explosive and bloody. You knew you could somewhat control yourself around Crowley, you had don’t it before. But you didn’t know if Sam and Cas could handle an outburst form both you and Dean at the same time.

Taking a deep breath, you entered the library

 _“Morning”_ You smiled at them

“ _More like afternoon”_ Sam said behind a fake smile. He hopped you didn’t hear the conversation.

You decided to test them, well Dean and his whole new Equal status.

 _“What’s the weird faces for?”_ You asked crossing your arms _  
_ Dean sighed and looked at Sam “ _Give us a minute”_

Sam nodded picking up his laptop he patted your shoulder on the way out

 _“What, let me guess. No pie?”_ You joked sitting next to him. A small smile spread across his lips but it quickly faded. He grabbed one of your hands squeezing it gently

 _“Cas needs us in LA, Seems Lucifer may have sprung out of the deep blue_ ”   
_“And this is a problem because”_ You knew exactly why this was a problem but again you wanted to see if he would tell you _  
_ “Crowley…” his voice trailed off. His name tasted like poison on his lips   
_“You don’t want me to come”_  
_“No, I do. We could defiantly use the extra hands, it’s just… I don’t want you to feel”_  
“ _Dean, when I was with Cas and Crowley I was fine. I wasn’t sad or scared. The opposite actually I kind of almost murdered him in a street and a parking lot. And in Cas’s truck. I can come trust me it will be fine. Just keep the demon blade away from me”_

Dean smiled and pushed a strand of hair behind your ear _“You’re amazing you know that right”  
_ You smiled “ _We’ll it’s a gift”_

Dean chuckled and twisted one of his hands in yours   _“Are you sure, cause if I’m being honest, we may have to keep that blade away from the both of us””_

You kissed is cheek” _Il go back our bags”_ as you approached the door Dean called your name

_“Y/n, wait”_

You smiled and turned _“Yeah?”_  
_“I ah, I like this whole equal, share everything… thing”_   _  
“Yeah me to_ ”

Dean watched you walk away. A small ball of doubt in his gut. He knew you were still fighting this. the whole not drinking barely eating thing was worrying him. But he promised to be equal. That meant no more running off leaving you behind. He was honest with you. He only hoped you would soon, be able to be honest with him.


	16. Chapter 16

_“RIIIGGHHT Another 450 miles till L.A, Botox, over taxing, under achieving, smell of sweaty desperation. I mean you can’t breathe. Pizzas are toxic. You got dudes in skinny jeans wearing sun glasses inside"_ Dean was in the middle of one of his I hate this place but secretly love it rants. You were zoning him out hoping Sam would be the one to humour him

Dean looked back at you through the rear-view mirror _“Hey when was the last time we were in LA?”_

You shrugged before leaning forward resting your head near his shoulder _“10, 11 years ago.”_ an adorable smile crept across his face, he glanced away from the road to look at you quickly

_“What?”_

_“It’s ah… can’t believe we can say something like that”_

_“Like what?”_ you said running a hand though the back of his hair

 _“That you have stuck around over 10 years”_ he gave you a side smile

 _“I know, hardly believe it myself. Really, it’s a gift”_ You gave his head a little shove

_“I’m your gift”_

_“_ _Oh… what’s the refund policy like”_

_“Oh, ha-ha” He mocked you_

You let out a long yawn, your eyelids slowly got heavy and you fell asleep halfway though another one of Deans rants, when he asked you your opinion on the many different types of coffees, he noticed you had drifted off, your head on one shoulder a hand on the other.

 Dean hit Sam who was intensely listening to his music

 _“What?”_  Sam asked screwing his face up _“What are you listening to”_

_“Pod cast why?”_

“Alright I need something to keep me awake so crank it up”

 _“I mean it’s a history podcast_ ” Sam said almost laughing

 _“I like history, gladiators, outlaw’s pirates. Hell, we are driving a piece of history right here”_ Dean smiled at his brother

 _“why can’t Y/N, keep you occupied”_   Dean pointed back at you sleeping peacefully on his shoulder _“First time she’s slept this whole trip”_

 _“Well, I mean it’s a podcast on the history of the prodesent reformation, a multi part exploration of each of martin Luther’s 95 theses_ ”

 _“Oh”_ Dean said, acting like he knew what he was talking about

 _“Yeah that’s what I thought”_  Dean pulled Sam’s head phones out of his phone and loud music erupted from his pocket, startling you, you jerked up

 _“Oh Sam, hair rock, really”_ Dean yelled

 _‘It’s not hair rock Dean, its legitimate hard rock, don’t judge a book by his cover “_ Sam said pointing at Dean

_“Yeah or a dude by his rainbow wig and leopard prints “_

You groaned rubbing your eyes

_“Look your crap music woke Y/N up”_

_“You pulling my ear phones out did_ ” Sam yelled

 _“Well maybe if you..”_ Dean started but you cut him off _“Look its fine I’ll just sleep at the hotel”_ you sighed and leaned back in your seat

In between Sam and Deans bickering and the lady heart blasting though the car for “Research” (You knew it was just another way Sam could annoy his older brother), you were able to get a few more hours’ sleep. You were still asleep when the boys pulled in at the hotel.

 _“Hey, she been a little moody lately”?_ Dean asked Sam as he turned the engine off

_“I think she’s sick of your complaining”_

_“I was not complaining’_

“ _Dean the whole way here you moaned about every little thing, skinny jeans, fake tan, pizza, coffee”_

 _“You two fighting again”_ You said groggy from sleep

 _“Ah, no. Deans just expressing his new-found love for lady heart”_ Sam grinned at you

 _“I’ve told you Sam, me and lady heart never going to happen”_ Dean gave his brother a stern look _“_

_Yeah well, we will see. I’ll go check us in. One room or two?”_

You and Dean answered at the same time, you saying one, he saying two

You he looked back at you _“Were here for a Lucifer, guessing we won’t be doing much sleeping_ ” You said shrugging

_“You sure. It looks like you could do with a proper sleep?”_

_“I’m sure we all could, its fine”_ You smiled at him

 _“One room it is_ ” Sam awkwardly smiled before jumping out of the impala

You and Dean both exited the impala, you were leaning in the door collect your things of the back seat when two hands slid up your legs and rested on your waist

 _“Dean”_ You groaned standing up, he pulled your back into his chest

 _“You would tell if you weren’t up for this right”_ He whispered into your ear

You wriggled out of his embrace and tried to get to the trunk but he stopped you, hands on either side pinning you to the side of the impala

 _“Dean, I told you. I’m a big girl. No need for you to put training wheels on me”_ You said sarcastically

 _“Fine, sure”_ He leaned down so his breath was hot against your cheek _“Can you let me go now?”_  you asked

Dean tutted _“It going to cost you”_

 _“Is that right”_ You folded your arms

_“Yeah, exit fees, a kiss”_

_“Well, see sir. I have a boyfriend and I’m sure he wouldn’t take kindly to me kissing my jailer_ ” You placed your hands on his neck

 _“Ah, I’m sure he won’t mind”_ Deans hands slowly moved from the impala to find your waist

_“You don’t know him, very protective”_

_“Sounds handsome to_ ” Dean smiled as he pushed himself against you

_“I mean he’s average, cocky son of a bitch”_

_“Is not_ ” Dean laughed his lips ghosting yours _“You sure about the single room?”_

 _“Trust me Deano, only thing getting laid this weekend in Lucifer, in the ground”_ you quickly pecked his lips

Dean cringed “ _That was horrible”_

 _“What I thought you liked horrible jokes”_ you raised a hand to your chest acting hurt

_“My jokes are awesome” He pouted_

_“So totally not”_ you laughed

“ _Really”_ Dean smiled moving in close again

 _“The worst”_ you whispered just before he kissed you Dean picked you up, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he started ticking you. You tried to fight his hands away but were too weak from laughing

 _“Um guys_ ” Sam said causing Dean to stop _“You two sure about the one room?”_

You laughed forcing Deans grip off you _“Yeah we’re sure”_

 _“Don’t you dare say it_ ” Dean pointed at you referring to your joke earlier

The three of you made it to the hotel room, Sam had booked a single room, with a double bed and a couch in case we needed it. Cas wanted to come over straight away, but Dean was animate in getting his four hours of sleep.

Dean slept while you and Sam did research

 _“He's going to meet up in a few hours”_ Sam said placing his phone down and taking a seat at the table next to you

 _“Sleeping beauty will be happy”_ You said gesturing to Dean sprawled out on the bed, as soon as his head hit the pillow he was out.

You got up, slowly taking his boots off. Before attempting to loosen his belt

 _“He always gets pains in his back when he sleeps with this dam belt on”,_ you huffed as you finished with his belt

 _“Yeah, he would be lost without you. We both would_ ” Sam gave you a sad smile

 _“So, would I”_ You said tucking a lose hair pack in place

Sam fixed his gaze back on his laptop, you slid back into your seat watching him type away

 _“Sammy_ ” You almost whispered, he mumbled in acknowledgment

_“I meant what I said to Dean the other day, I know you heard our argument”_

Sam stopped typing and slowly closed his laptop _“Why do I feel a but_ ”

_“There’s no but… I meant it I managed I got over it, it’s what we do. What we have always done when crap happens we work though it and push on, don’t dwell on the bad”_

_“Yeah, I get it”_ Sam thought back to when he his walls broke and the memories of hell filled him

_“It’s just, I’m scared”_

_“Of what?”_

_“Him”_ You said looking at Dean peacefully sleeping

_“Y/N, you know he would never “_

_“No Sam, I’m not scared of him”_

_“For him”_ Sam finished your sentence

You nodded _“Dean is…”_

 _“Dean” Sam_ smiled at his sleeping brother

 _“Yeah”_ You said following Sam’s gaze

 _“Well, if the way you two were earlier is anything to go by. Everything is going to be okay”_ He reached over and gave your hand a quick squeeze

You smiled at Sam _“Good talk”_

He smiled back _“Now, research_ ” He said trying to look serious but a small smile gave him away.


	17. Chapter 17

Dean was pacing the lobby agitated and nervous _“Why did we agree to this”_ He mumbled as he ran a hand through his hair

 _“Cas needed our help, Dean will you just sit down”_ Sam answered

Dean sighed and slumped down on the sofa across from Sam, who was helping himself to a glass of water

 _“Dude”_ Dean said in disgust

 _“What, its good”_ Sam smiled before taking a loud slurp of his drink

_“Its vegetable water”_

Sam smiled and took another sip of his water “ _Where’s Y/n?”_

Dean glanced at his phone _“Just finishing up, be down in a sec”_

“==

You had just finished brushing your teeth, and were throwing your hair in a bun when the feeling of someone standing behind you crept over you. You spun around ready to attack who or what ever it was.

 _“Watch it”_ Crowley yelled as he rubbed his head

 _“Oh, it’s you_ ” You mumbled

_“Yes, it’s me, bloody hell”_

_“What do you want, one text to Dean and he will be up here in a second”_

_“Yes, I’m well aware dumb and dumber know of our time together”_

_“You mean when you tortured me”_

_“You say it like you didn’t like it”_

_“Your disgusting”_ You pulled your phone from your pocket and began punching in Deans number

 _“Look, don’t do that”_ Crowley tried to snatch your phone from you, but you moved it away

_“Why not, seems like your just here to make me feel like crap, or what here to cut me some more. Maybe finish the job”_

_“Don’t be ridiculous”_

_“Then what do you want Crowley”_

_“What I’m trying to do is..”_ Crowley ran a hand over his face

_“Is is… mumble like an idiot”_

_“Crying out loud woman I’m trying to apologise”_

_“excuse me”_

“I’m sorry”

 _“Really, so you think those two words are what, going to take away the weeks of nightmares I had, the guilt that Dean is feeling as he blames himself yet again for something you did”_ You took an angry step forward

_“I never apologise I just… I don’t want to be on the Winchester hit list”_

_“oh, I see you are trying to save your own ass”_

_“No, I’m trying to make up for a mistake”_

_“right well, about a year to late”_

_“will you just accept it”_

_“No.”_ You poked your finer into Crowley’s chest

_“Why not”_

_“Because, actions have consequences, you gave Dean a bomb and let him walk into a crowd, everything that has happened_ , _the mark, demon, Amara. All your fault. And if you think a shitty I’m sorry is going to make up for the fact you tortured me, you took away the sweetest and most caring man I know, and turned him into the thing he feared the most all because what Crowley, why did you do that to Dean”_ you glared into his eyes trying to read them

_“I thought having you as leverage, even as a demon he had this disgusting soft spot for you, that he could help make hell better”_

_“Right hell, that’s what it always comes down to. You and hell, how you suck at ruling it, you know what maybe we should give it back to Lucifer. At least he can keep it all together”_ You pulled your jacket on and shoved past him _“If you want to make things right Crowley, go to hell. Lock the door and never come back”_

In the short elevator ride you tried to compose yourself. The doors open, taking a deep breath you smiled as you approached the boys, Cas had joined them

 _“Hey Cas”_ You pulled him into a big hug

Cas smiled at you _“Its good to see you”_ his hands stayed firm on your shoulder

Deans face changed from a smile to a scowl you knew exactly what that meant, Crowley had “popped” in behind you.  Before Crowley could get a word out Dean had marched forward and planted his fist right into the side of his face knocking Crowley on his ass.

Dean pulled back for another but you grabbed his arm _“Dean, time and place”_ you smiled at the concerned onlookers _“Just a running joke they have “_

Dean smiled and helped Crowley to his feet _“Right pal, just how we say hello”_

 _“You find anything_ ” Sam asked as you pulled Dean close to you

 _“Yes. Vince Vicente is riding with the devil”_ Crowley responded rubbing his face for the second time today _“Yeah, well could have guessed that_ “ Dean shrugged

 _“Okay so what now?”_ Cas asked

 _“I suggest we go check out his room, he will be at the studio all day”_  Crowley raised his hand to show a key card

“Great” you snatched the card from Crowley and headed back to the elevators, missing the suspicious glances Sam and Dean passed

The elevator opened you went straight for the back, Sam managed to squeeze himself in-between you and the wall, Dean on your other side.

You could practically see the red glowing off Dean, he wanted to do something, hit Crowley or worse, you wrapped one of your fingers around his, he looked down at you from the contact,

You smiled at him and some of the tension in his face seemed to fade away.

 _“Well looks like there was some kind of a fight”_ Cas said as he looked over the mess covering the room Dean picked up a pair of panties _“Yeah, some kind”_ then wiped his hand on Sam’s shoulder

 _“Hey look, rock star biography’s like all of them from Aerosmith to ZZ Top”_ Sam flicked through the books, you took one from him flipping it over “ _Like he’s doing research?”_ you asked _“Studying how to become famous”_ Sam threw the book down

 _“So, what Lucifer’s a dork_ “Dean picked up a guitar, looking it over

You could see the confusion of Sam’s face, as you sat across from the oldest Winchester, the youngest went on another rant _“I don’t get it Lucifer could be taking over heaven and hell right now instead he is trying to act out some rock god fantasy”_

“ _Yeah who wouldn’t”_ Dean said strumming the guitar  

 _“I found something”_ Cas said appearing from somewhere in the suite _“What is that?”_ Sam asked the angel _“It appears to be a human tooth, pulled out by the root”_

“ _Vince’s, I mean Lucifer’s?”_ you walked over to Cas and looked the tooth over _“Possibly”_

 _“So his vessel could be deteriorating, like the others”_ Sam added _“There’s no way to know for sure”_ Cas said dropping the tooth into your hand

_“If it is, we can exploit that”_

_“How?”_ Dean and Sam asked

 _“_ _Bobby and me we did it before years ago on Raphael it speed up the deteriorating, I can remember most of it, but I will need to check though some of the journals in the impala”_ _“I remember it made him weak, almost human”_ Cas said nodding towards the exit _“You think it could work on an archangel?”_ Dean asked holding the door open _“Doesn’t hurt to try, one more card to play”_

*

You were leaning in the trunk of the impala, Dean kept the journals hidden deep. In case people tried snooping and by people you knew he meant a certain red head who had sticky fingers when it came to books of knowledge

Dean tapped you lightly on the back _“Hey were going to the hospital, some chick carved Vince’s name into her chest”_

 _“Ouch”_ you turned handing him some books to hold “ _Yeah, you coming?”_

 _“No I still need to look through these journals otherwise when we go find him were going in blind with no real defence”_ you carefully took the stack of journals off him

 _“I’ll take the devil, you take the books. call if you need anything”_ Dean kissed your cheek, and watched you walk away

 _“Dude”_ Sam said hitting the roof on the impala

_“What?”_

_“Might want to wipe that drool of your chin”_

_“Shut up”_


	18. Chapter 18

The Winchesters had just finished interviewing Roseleen, the poor woman had been enticed to carve Vince’s name into her chest. She let slip that Vince/ Lucifer was performing a show.   


_“Can Lucifer even sing, play in instrument”_ Cas asked folding his arms

 _“doubt they offered to tutor him guitar in the cage”_ Dean half joked

 _“_ _Like it matters, what Lucifer made that woman do has nothing to do with the music. Its about devotion”_ Crowley said taking pleasure in shutting them down Dean rolled his eyes _“Come again?”_

_“You little people, wouldn’t understand. But I’ve been a king. Having people look at you, like you’re everything knowing that once they buy in you can make them do anything its intoxicating”_

Dean learnt the hard way that Crowley will do anything for power, so I didn’t surprise him much that the demon understood Lucifer’s actions _“well, I have someone who looks at me like I'm her everything, you don’t see me making her carve my name into her chest”_ Dean gave Crowley a small smile that translated to I’ve got something you will never have. _“and look where that’s gotten her, beaten, nearly dying, all her family dead”_

“ _You shut your mouth”_ Dean reached for the demon. Sam stopped his brother _“Guys, cut it out”_ Dean shoved Sam’s hand away, then took a few steps back away from Crowley

Cas waited till the tension died down a bit before asking the important question _“This concert, all these people, what is Lucifer planning to do?”_

 _“Nothing good”_ Sam answered

 _“Is Rowena”_ Cas was cut off by Crowley _“Dear mother says that once we catch Lucifer she will show no sooner”_

 _“Well we don’t know if this spell Y/N is working on will work. Without Rowena were out gunned”_ Dean snapped

 _“With her we are out gunned”_ Crowley sassed back.

Sam could see the tension rising between the king of hell and his brother again _“It doesn’t matter guys. This is our shot. Y/N’s spell will work, we just got to find out where he is playing tonight”_

 _“Alright let’s get to work, Cas, head back to the hotel see what Y/N needs. Sam and I will smooch over the PR. Crowley, do whatever it is you do”_ Dean ordered before pushing past Crowley

*-*

Cas let himself into the hotel room. He found you sitting at a table, nose buried deep in one of Bobby’s old journals.

“ _Hey how was the hospital?”_ You said looking up

 _“Good we got some information, Crowley and Dean had another argument”_ Cas sat across from you looking over one of the journals

“ _That’s normal”_ You smiled and looked back down at the page you were reading _“Did you find the spell?”_

_“Yeah, Dean had most of the ingredients in the trunk, unfortunately it’s the more mundane stuff were missing”_

_“write me a list and I will pick it up”_

you looked back up at Cas who was flicking though a journal _“Or I could… come with you? It’s just, being surrounded by these journals… his journals. I would really like some fresh air”_

Cas studied your face, he always noticed you bit your lip when you were holding back something, he knew almost instantly by the way you ran your hand over the handwriting that it had something to do with Bobby. You missed him so naturally his answer was a yes. And you would be help when it came to speaking with Tommy.

The two of you tracked him down at the record company

 _“Tommy hi”_ you smiled as he approached

_“Agents, what are you doing here?”_

“Investigating Vince same as before” Cas said, his tone showing he was taking the bad cop role

 _“You hear what happened to Rosaleen?”_ You asked

_“Yeah that was awful, I mean come on she cut herself, it wasn’t like…”_

_“You know that’s not the whole truth, you know Vince isn’t Vince”_ Cas snapped

Tommy shrugged

You took a step forward “ _Look Tommy believe it or not we are trying to help here”_

 _“Where is the show Tommy”_ Cas said very forcefully

_“Look I don’t know what is going on with Vince, alright. Al the royalties on our hits dried up years ago. I got two daughters in college I know what I saw, but “_

_“You don’t care who pays the price”_ You said putting a hand on the angel’s shoulder

 _“Sorry” Tommy_ walked off avoiding your eyes

 _“That’s just… what happens now?”_ You asked slamming the door of Cas’s truck _“Hopefully Sam and Dean have had better luck”_

You and Cas walked into the lobby. The brothers and Crowley were already there, looking as defeated as you. Cas slummed in the only empty seat so you sat on Deans knee

“Anything?” Dean asked, a hint of hope in his voice

You shook your head and snaked an arm over his shoulder

Dean huffed “So we couldn’t flip a single member of Vince’s team, even with the threat of mass murder these douche bags won’t do the right thing” he started rubbing his forehead like he always did when he was stressed, you grabbed that hand and twisted his fingers in yours.

“Welcome to LA” Crowley gave the two of you a sarcastic smile, luckily Dean wasn’t paying attention

 _“So what happens now?”_ Cas asked the same question you asked him earlier

 _“We wait, and hopefully someone decides to do the right thing”_ Sam said giving you a hopeful smile. Dean was looking down at your hand in his, a scowl across his face. You could tell he was annoyed. Then you noticed his outfit, and Sam’s _“are you two wearing, skinny jeans?”_

 _“Played our parts”_ Dean said, a faint smile on his lips

After sitting around for an hour, you and Dean having a thumb war. Cas got a text. The location. you Cas, Crowley and the Winchesters ran for the impala

 _“I knew tommy would come around”_ you said jumping in the back seat

 _“Y/N can you make that spell thing in the car”_ Dean asked reaching for the impala door You smiled “ _I_ _could do it with my eyes closed”_

 

*-*

Dean slammed on the breaks a small distance away from the club. You hand just finished the spell, it was more like a bomb had a chant to activate it

 _“Ahh, Tommy’s still now answering”_ Cas said trying to call Tommy for the fifth time Dean slammed the trunk _“Well he got us here that’s what matters”_ Dean tested the handcuff in his hands “enochian hand cuffs that’s your move” Crowley sassed

 _“They held me”_ Cas said agitated _“You’re not him”_ the demon said back

 _“Didn.t ask for your input, it’s done_ ” you said gesturing to the bottle in your hand

 _“we have no sure bets here, okay anything we use its going to be like. Popping BB’s_ ” Dean snapped at Crowley

_“Oh great pep talk, go team”_

Sam could see the tension rising between the group again _“Guys we are here to do more than take a shot at Lucifer”_

 _“_ _We are?”_ Crowley asked 

_“Yes we need to save the people inside to”_

_“Sam’s right”_ you said agreeing with your best friend

Cas finally gave up on calling Tommy _“Il take Lucifer, he is my responsibility”_

 _“No he’s not he is all of our responsibility”_ Sam gave you a quick sorry but its true look, you nodded in agreement

_“The only way you will clean that crowd without drawing fire is if he is other wised engaged”_

_“Engaged in what Cas killing you?”_ Dean argued 

_“Cas, you’ll last three minutes tops”_ Sam added

_“_ _Then I’ll by you three minutes”_

_“Make it four”_ Crowley spoke up surprising you _“What, I help.”_

 _“I’ll go with them”_ you said stepping towards the angel and demon

 _“What no”_ Dean snapped grabbing your arm 

_“I need to activate the spell”_

_“Crowley can do it”_ Sam exclaimed 

_“No he can’t. They can hold him off, give me a clear shot”_

_“Y/N”_ Dean sighed his voice calming down. He knew whatever he said next wouldn’t change your mind you are stubborn. 

_“I’m going, nothing you boys say will stop me”_ Dean looked at his brother, Sam gestured that the decision was up to Dean. _“Fine, you do not get involved in the fighting. You die I will kick your ass you hear me”_ Dean pulled you into a hug “ _Just don’t get killed please”_

 

*-*

You heard Cas get flung across the room, Crowley gave you a weird look before stepping out

_“Spanky, I did not take you for the martyr type” Lucifer laughed “_

_Well I’m really not. I just hate you, that much_ “Crowley raised his hand and flung Lucifer across the room

 _“What are you doing Lucifer you mean nothing to those kids out there, you think they would draw blood for you, by choice,”_ Crowley hissed

_“Well I thought I would at least ask and if they won’t give it up by choice maybe I’ll just take it”_

_“Why”_ Cas asked

 _“Because its fun, because I can. And because being Lucifer has so much judeo Christian baggage. But Vince he’s famous everybody loves him”_ Lucifer raised his hand and threw Crowley across the room _“And I need love I had a really jacket childhood_ “

You couldn’t tell what happened next as you started the chant for the spell, you heard Lucifer yell at Tommy followed by the faint sound of something snapping you tried to ignore it and hurry the chant

You heard Cas been thrown across the room just as you finished the chant, You stepped out _“Hey dick”_

 _“oh Y/N the beautiful, Winchester whore, what are you going to do? You can’t harm me, you're just a weak useless”_ before he could finish you threw the bottle that contained the spell at him. He burst into flames you ran to Cas “ _We have to get out of here”_

 _“Y/N”_ Cas said fighting your help

 _“Cas come on”_ you snapped trying to get the angel to his feet

 _“Y/N RUN”_ Cas yelled pushing you away You turned the flames had gone out on Lucifer and he was blocking the door way _“That tickled”_ you quickly scrambled for Cas’s angel blade, Lucifer lunged on top of you _“Where you going beautiful ? ”_

 _“Get off me you piece of shit”_ you yelled swinging as best you could at him _“You kiss Dean with that mouth?”_ Lucifer grabbed your head and bought it hard down into the ground knocking you out cold

He was getting ready for another when the fire alarm rang out

“ _Cleaver girls_ ” Lucifer dropped your limp head and made his way for the stage

Cas crawled along the ground his body was aching but he needed to make sure you were okay

He called your name but you didn’t respond. He managed to pull himself to his knees and gently lifted your head, he felt a dampness on the hand that was supporting your head, when he looked It was covered in blood

Your eyes slowly fluttered _“Y/N, can you hear me”_

_“Cas go”_

_“I have to heal you”_ he said reaching for your forehead you pushed the angels hand away

_“Don’t, you will weaken yourself. Go get Lucifer and come back”_

_“But your head”_

_“Go Cas”_ you yelled Cas reached for a cloth on the table “ _Keep pressure on this”_

You felt your self being shaken and a pain radiated in your head, when you opened your eyes you saw Crowley looking down at you. He extended his hand

 _“What was that?”_ you shoved his hand away

“ _I healed you”_

_“I thought demons needed a contract for that”_

_“King of hell, has its perks”_

You pulled yourself to your feet “The boys” you yelled taking off towards the main stage, when you ran out Dean were helping Cas up and Vince’s rotten corpse was laying at Sams feet

 _“Your spell worked”_ Dean said a huge grin on his face

 _“Y/N? how are you standing”_ Cas asked Deans smile faded _“What do you mean standing what happened”_ Dean ran to you looking you over, he noticed the blood in your hair “ _You’re bleeding”_

 _“No not anymore”_ you smiled at your boyfriend

 _“Your welcome_ ” Crowley said from behind you

 

*-*

You were helping Dean pack the impala. He kept watching you _“You sure you’re okay, I mean I’ve taken hits from Lucifer before”_ he finally spoke up

 _“I’m fine “_ you leaned into his back, squeezing around his ribs

 _“How many fingers am I holding up?”_ Dean asked, as both his hands were in the impala trunk _“None, you big dork”_ You kissed his shoulder

“ _Do me a favour, go check on Cas, I’ll finish this up”_ Dean took the bag from your hands, you nodded and walked over to Cas who was watching the commotion at the club Dean watched you and Cas talk in the distance

“ _Crowley”_ Dean yelled, signalling for the demon to follow

 _“Yes”_ Crowley said a little nervous

 _“Look, I’m not going to say I forgive you. You hurt her. I know it happened a while ago but, you hurt my girl and for that I can never forgive you. That is something I will never forgive or forget do I make that clear”_ Dean made no attempt in hiding the venom in his voice

Crowley nodded

  _“But you helped her tonight, helped us, thanks”_

_“Don’t get sentimental on me”_

Dean laughed _“You don’t have to worry about that”_

_“And you don't have to worry about, her dying not anymore”_

_“What’s that supposed….”_ Before Dean could finish Crowley vanished .


End file.
